Before I became a parent, I had some firm beliefs: I would never drive a minivan, I would steer clear of yoga pants, and I certainly wouldn’t be a mom who yelled at her kids. I would watch frantic moms in their yoga attire, packed into their minivans like sardines, and I couldn’t fathom how they lost their cool in public spaces like Target. I’d gawk in disbelief when I witnessed a mom having a meltdown in the grocery store, convinced I’d never raise my voice if I were to have children.
Oh, how naive I was. Motherhood slapped me with reality, and I discovered that a certain level of yelling comes with the territory. Now, I find myself hissing at my children to keep it down in church or using what I like to term “asshole lips” when they’re acting up in public.
Yes, I’ve become that mom who yells, but before you judge, let me clarify: I don’t mean I’m constantly screaming. Rather, I’ve learned that there are various ways I express my frustrations, and I bet you might find yourself using these methods, too.
1. Pursed Lips, aka “Asshole Lips”
This technique often comes with a sharp “Get. Over. Here.” It’s perfect for times when your kids are misbehaving around family or when they’re running wild in a library. And let’s be honest, pursed lips are essential when you need them to hush in a movie theater.
2. Clenched Teeth, aka “I. Said. NO.”
If you’ve ever wandered through a Target or grocery store, you’ve likely seen a mom with clenched teeth issuing commands to her kids. This style of yelling is reserved for those moments when you simply can’t say no one more time—especially when the ice cream truck appears or they’re begging for more tokens at an arcade.
3. The Single Eyebrow Raise, aka “Stop. Right. There.”
I’ve mastered the Single Eyebrow Raise; my kids freeze when they see that look. This method is especially effective in places like community pools or playgrounds, where you need to discipline from a distance.
4. The Unsettling Smile, aka “The Singsong Voice”
My brothers and I were experts at mischief during family events, and we knew we were in trouble when our mom adopted her sweet, sing-song voice. “You need to stop that right now, sweetie. It’s rude to stand on a chair.” That smile always hinted at impending consequences.
5. Complete and Total Rage, aka “Your Neighbors Will Hear Too”
I won’t lie—this method is the least admirable, but we all have our moments. Whether your kids have just smashed a dozen eggs on the floor or somehow flushed your favorite sweater down the toilet, every mom has unleashed her inner Hulk, often with windows wide open.
6. Total Silence, aka “Shit Just Got Real”
And then there are those rare moments when silence speaks volumes. This is especially true for moms of teenagers, who can test your limits. When silence falls, you know the kids are genuinely worried.
I’m not proud of my moments of lost patience, but sometimes, a mom must do what she must to keep the peace. If you want more insights into motherhood and parenting, check out this blog post or learn about effective parenting techniques at Make a Mom. For more information on pregnancy, visit World Health Organization.
In summary, motherhood brings unexpected challenges, including finding ways to communicate our frustrations. Whether through pursed lips or raised eyebrows, every mom has her unique style of asserting authority.