There’s something I need to confess: I own a rather unique toy. You know what I mean?
Years ago, before my husband, Jake, and I became parents and settled into a routine, I agreed to host a party. Not just any party, mind you, but one of those gatherings where you sell products like adult toys and novelty items. We’re talking about the kind of soirée where the main attractions are playful, often bizarre, and definitely not for the faint of heart.
Unfortunately, I came down with a nasty stomach bug just before the event was set to kick off, leaving me no choice but to stay holed up in our bedroom. My husband graciously stepped in to host, and to my surprise, he turned out to be quite the natural at selling these adult novelties. Because he did so well, I got to pick something for free. Naturally, I chose a big, sparkly, blue, motorized… well, you can guess what it was.
Fast forward to a few years later when our oldest child, Max, was about five. After a closet reorganization, he stumbled upon my ‘unique’ toy while digging through some boxes. Suddenly, I heard a buzzing sound followed by an astonished, “Whoa!” Panic surged through me as I spun around to see Max holding the big blue contraption, looking utterly fascinated.
“What’s this?” he asked, wide-eyed.
Oh no. Time to play it cool. I quickly snatched it from his hands, trying to think on my feet. “It’s, um, an antique,” I said, attempting to sound nonchalant while my face flared with embarrassment. “Just something I’ll put away.” I hurriedly tucked it away on the highest shelf, behind a mountain of old junk.
“What’s an antique?” he muffled from outside the closet.
I can’t recall my exact words, but it must’ve sufficed, because not long ago, while visiting my mom, I jokingly teased her about a vintage ceramic cat she keeps from the ’80s. To my shock, Max chimed in, “Hey, like your antique!”
I was perplexed since I don’t own any antiques. “What antique?” I asked.
“You know,” he replied, as though I were the one who’d forgotten. “Your antique in the closet? The big, sparkly blue thing that buzzes and spins? Can we get it out and play with it?”
I nearly lost it. My son was referencing my vibrator in front of my mother!
“Oh that?” I said, trying to act casual while my insides twisted. “I think I tossed that out ages ago.” Except, well, I didn’t actually. I might just consider it now, though.
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In summary, navigating parenthood often leads to hilarious and cringe-worthy moments, especially when our past catches up to us in unexpected ways. It serves as a reminder that while we may try to keep our private lives under wraps, kids have a way of bringing everything into the light – sometimes with a lot of humor along the way.