The day I discovered I was having a son was overshadowed by a stark reminder of societal injustices. It coincided with the news that George Zimmerman, the man responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death, was released on bail. This event reinforced the harsh reality that hatred and ignorance can engulf even the most innocent among us.
Before that moment, my identity as a feminist was unwavering. As a woman of color, I embraced the womanist ideologies championed by figures like Alice Walker and Delores Williams. I took part in campaigns for equal pay and supported organizations like the Planned Parenthood Action Fund. Growing up in a family led by a single mother, I was fiercely focused on empowering women.
But then I became a mother to a boy.
In the immediate aftermath of his birth, I found myself contemplating the kind of life I hoped he would lead. I envisioned all the challenges he might face and the person he would become. Would he be strong, sensitive, or artistic? As I pondered his future, I also began to think about how society would perceive him.
Initially, I believed that raising a son would be my chance to instill in him a profound respect for women and an understanding of their invaluable contributions. However, I soon realized that boys also need reminders of their own worth and rights. This epiphany challenged and reshaped my feminist beliefs.
The Reality of Boyhood
One day, while shopping at my local Target, the disparity between the boys’ and girls’ sections struck me. My son was three years old, and as I searched for his first set of “big boy underwear,” I noticed that the boys’ department was significantly smaller than the girls’. The shelves were bare, while the girls’ section overflowed with vibrant options. This observation made me reflect on the broader implications of such inequality.
I began to wonder if the push against toxic masculinity was inadvertently neglecting the emotional needs of boys. I realized that true feminism must address the miseducation surrounding masculinity and the emotional well-being of boys. After all, the real challenge for women stems from men who have been misled about what it means to be a man. I found myself compelled to advocate for boys, starting with my own.
Boys face their own struggles too—25% of those diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia are male, and they are more likely to experience severe mental health issues. These facts had previously felt distant, but as I looked at my son, they took on new significance.
Conversations with male friends revealed alarming statistics about their experiences with trauma and emotional neglect. Many had faced issues of consent, self-love, and personal space that were rarely discussed. This reality emphasized the importance of nurturing our sons just as we do our daughters.
Embracing Emotions
One of the most crucial lessons I’ve learned as a mother is to allow my son to express his emotions freely. While it’s easy to want to curtail tantrums, I’ve made a conscious effort to give him the space to feel sadness, frustration, or anger. I encourage him to process his emotions at his own pace, reassuring him that I am here to listen when he’s ready to share.
I’ve also taught him about personal boundaries, reinforcing that he doesn’t have to hug anyone if he doesn’t want to. This shift from telling boys to “suck it up” is essential as we move toward a more compassionate understanding of masculinity. Even at a young age, my son demonstrates a clear understanding of his gender identity, whether it be trans or cis.
Feminism and Masculinism: A Unified Approach
The most profound realization of my motherhood journey is that I cannot champion feminism without also supporting masculinism. Every feminist issue is intertwined with the challenges posed by hypermasculinity. As societal norms evolve, the need for men to empathize with women’s experiences is crucial.
Raising my son to be conscious and compassionate is pivotal. Boys who grow up in an environment of love and respect do not feel the need to resort to hypermasculine behaviors to validate their self-worth. They can become leaders who embrace their authentic selves and strengths.
As women and feminists, if we aim to uplift our daughters, we must equally support the boys they will encounter. My journey begins with my son.
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In summary, becoming a mother to a son has reshaped my understanding of feminism, highlighting the importance of addressing the emotional well-being of boys and the interconnectedness of gender issues. By nurturing our sons alongside our daughters, we contribute to a more equitable future.