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Goodbye, Allergies!
by Laura Jenkins
Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: April 22, 2017
Spring has finally arrived! The outdoors is calling. Dogwoods burst forth in a stunning display of white blossoms, while a delicate green veil cloaks the trees, heralding the return of new life. Buds on rose bushes are starting to bloom, and temperatures are rising. It’s almost time for shorts and flip-flops, as hemlines inch upwards. This should be a magical season of renewal and joy after a long winter spent indoors.
Except for the wretched pollen.
This invisible menace, like tiny bits of tree “sperm,” floats through the air, wreaking havoc on our senses. It’s as if the trees have declared war on humanity. Remember that ridiculous movie by M. Night Shyamalan where plants drive people to madness? Each spring, it feels as though the plants are out to make us miserable with their relentless pollen.
Thanks to some quirk of evolution, tree pollen sends my family’s immune systems spiraling out of control. I know spring has truly arrived when the kids start sniffling. It’s like Vermont syrup, but way less appetizing. My children start sneezing and suddenly lose interest in outdoor play. The moment they step outside, their noses run, and their eyes turn an angry shade of red.
The youngest, just three years old, develops a fever, and his eyes become puffy and squinty as he struggles to breathe through the congestion. My older kids suffer from headaches and endless sneezing fits, their eyes bright red from irritation. Tempers flare as they try to cope. At least they understand why they feel awful; the youngest only knows that he feels terrible and takes it out on everyone in sight.
They want to play outside, but the moment they do, they realize it’s a nightmare, and they plead to come back in. Then, in a fit of pent-up energy, they destroy the house because they really need to be outside. But outside means more snot and misery. So, during allergy season, my home becomes a battleground. If they pull the throw blankets off my couch one more time, I might just drive the minivan to Vegas and never return.
We needed a solution. We decided to get some children’s Claritin. After all, we take allergy medications ourselves. We eventually found it in the “Children’s Cough and Cold” aisle at Target. Thirty doses for $24.95. Twenty-five dollars! At this rate, I might have to sell my youngest just to get through allergy season with the others. Luckily, there are generic options available, but even those add up quickly when multiplied by all my kids.
The allergies don’t just affect the kids; my husband wakes up every morning looking like he just rolled out of bed after a late-night party. If the kids are congested, we’re even worse off. We go through tissues like crazy, and the constant wiping leaves our noses chapped and sore. With red noses and chapped lips, we all resemble a family of Rudolphs.
And because our noses and heads are filled with fluid from the joyous ecstasy of tree reproduction, everyone snores. Oh, sweet Buddha, the snoring! Forget about getting a good night’s sleep; my husband sounds like a dying walrus, while the kids mimic miniature versions of the same. I dose them with Claritin, shove in earplugs, and pray for sleep, hoping that I don’t end up sounding like a walrus myself.
I suffer from headaches, and my contacts feel like they’re glued to my eyes. Everyone is congested, everyone is irritable, and the great outdoors is calling, but venturing outside will only make things worse. Trees are fantastic; they produce oxygen and support life. Yet, they exact their revenge during allergy season. Thank goodness for children’s Claritin, even if it costs an arm and a leg. Anyone interested in buying a 3-year-old?
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Summary:
Spring brings both beauty and the dreaded allergy season. While the outdoors calls, pollen wreaks havoc on my family’s health, leading to congestion, irritability, and sleepless nights. Despite the challenges, we navigate through with medications, humor, and a touch of desperation.