Motherhood Would Have Totally Grossed Out My Pre-Mom Self

I used to pride myself on having a strong stomach. Blood? No problem. Vomit? It made me queasy but never sent me running for the bathroom. I could even handle a toenail loss with grace. Conversations about poop? Totally doable. Cleaning up dog urine? Been there, done that.

But then came the moment I became a mom, and my tolerance for grossness skyrocketed. While those without children might understand kids can be messy, they don’t grasp the sheer level of bodily chaos until they’re living it. You’ll find yourself doing things that would have made your pre-mom self cringe.

You’ll find yourself cleaning poop out of…unexpected places.

Sure, non-moms know that changing diapers involves dealing with human waste, which sounds unpleasant enough. But they don’t realize that poop ends up in the most unlikely spots on tiny bodies, and it often requires a delicate touch to remove it. Spoiler alert: More wipes are usually needed than you’d like to admit.

You’ll get poop on your hands.

There will be times when the diaper fails, and you’ll face the messy aftermath. You’ll wrestle your baby out of their clothes—typically the nice ones—while trying to manage the chaos. You might even get some on your hands. Pre-mom you would have been horrified; now, it’s just part of the job.

You’ll discover the best cleaning products for human messes.

Kids can be downright unpredictable with their bodily functions. Whether it’s a diaper blowout or a potty training mishap, you’ll find yourself scrubbing floors and walls more often than you thought possible. If you have boys, you’ll become an expert at masking the smell of urine that seems to linger indefinitely.

Yes, you’ll catch vomit in your hands.

It’s a tale as old as time: a mom instinctively catches her child’s vomit to prevent a larger mess. You’ll find yourself holding warm, slimy puke without batting an eye. Your pre-mom self would have run screaming, but now it’s just part of the territory.

You’ll suck snot out of someone’s nose.

Meet the NoseFrida, a tool that will become your best friend. You’ll use it to clear your baby’s stuffy nose by sucking out the mucus. Before kids, the thought of doing this would have been unbearable, but now you’ll do it with determination.

You’ll be cleaning earwax like a pro.

As a mom, you’ll find yourself on a mission to rid your kids’ ears of gunky wax. Armed with Q-tips, you’ll dig in while they smile blissfully, a process that would have made your stomach turn as a non-mom.

Someone will bleed on you.

When your child takes a tumble and needs stitches, get ready for a bloodbath—literally. Your clothes, their clothes, and even your face may end up splattered with blood. You’ll learn to manage that panic and clean up the mess, because that’s just what you do.

You’ll wipe someone else’s snot with your hand.

Picture this: a blob of snot on your child’s lip, and you have no wipes in sight. You’ll quickly swipe it off with your hand and carry on, something that would have horrified your non-mom self.

You’ll be tasked with cleaning messes that seem impossible.

Think of the messy obstacle courses on TV shows, where kids dive into food. As a mom, you’ll be responsible for cleaning up all sorts of gooey substances from your child’s body. Scrubbing avocado from neck rolls becomes a regular part of your bathing routine.

You thought you had a strong stomach before motherhood? Think again. Children will put your resilience to the test in ways you never imagined. Motherhood is a beautiful, chaotic journey filled with love, laughter, and yes, a lot of mess. You may find it utterly gross, but in the end, you won’t mind one bit.

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Summary:

Motherhood transforms your perspective on grossness, pushing you to confront and manage the messiness of children’s bodily functions in ways you never thought possible. From catching vomit to cleaning poop and snot, the experience strengthens your stomach and broadens your understanding of love and chaos.