Dinnertime used to feel like a battlefield in my home. After a long day, when my energy was completely depleted and my patience thin, the last thing I wanted was to engage in a food struggle with my son. Breakfast and lunch were a breeze; he ate quickly and without complaint. But dinner? That was an entirely different story.
Every meal turned into a long, drawn-out ordeal. My son would chew each bite as if it were a piece of rubber, often keeping it in his mouth for what felt like an eternity. I found myself constantly urging him to swallow, escalating my frustration as I wrung my hands and raised my voice. Why do families subject themselves to this nightly ritual?
Sitting together at the dinner table became my least favorite part of the day. I even contemplated installing a small flap in his bedroom door to slide his meals through while I enjoyed my dinner peacefully, without the stress of raising my blood pressure.
We tried all sorts of strategies. Setting timers only added anxiety, making him more worried about the clock than the food on his plate. Threatening to withhold dessert if he didn’t finish his meal resulted in meltdowns that only compounded the chaos. Even cooking him a separate meal that I knew he would like didn’t resolve anything.
Eventually, I realized that both my son and I were worn out by the end of the day. We needed a solution that could make the family mealtime enjoyable for everyone involved. So, I decided to break my own rules and attempt to create a more relaxed dining experience.
For breakfast and lunch, I made sure he was well-fed with healthy options that he enjoyed. When dinnertime rolled around, I served him smaller portions of the same meals the rest of the family was eating, along with something I knew he was excited about: dessert. I told him he had the freedom to eat his dessert first if he wanted. I made it clear that the dinner portion was smaller than usual, and if he finished it and wanted more, he could ask.
Gone were the timers and reminders. Once dinner was completed, we would clear the table together. I wanted to avoid lingering at the table for hours.
As expected, my son dove straight into the dessert. At first, he looked around, likely expecting me to suddenly change my mind and take it away. I reassured him it was okay and gently encouraged him to try more of his meal. To my amazement, he cleaned his plate! He didn’t ask for extra vegetables, but he did reach for more food once he finished. By the time the rest of us were done, he had finished his dinner too.
No tears. No tantrums. And the entire process took a fraction of the time compared to our previous experiences. It was a game changer—a truly pleasant family meal.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I remember that dinner was often a source of tension. I wasn’t fond of many vegetables and would often play with my food, leading to frustration for my parents. Forcing me to eat what I didn’t want never made it any more appealing. I now understand that the rigid rules around dessert and dinner only added to the anxiety, turning mealtime into a chore rather than a time for connection.
Allowing my son to eat dessert first has alleviated his anxiety about finishing a meal for a reward. He feels more empowered to choose what he eats, reducing our nightly standoffs. I recognize now that the prolonged chewing was likely an attempt to delay the inevitable, and I wish I had discovered this approach sooner. It could have saved us both a lot of distress.
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In summary, allowing my son to indulge in dessert first has transformed our dinnertime dynamic. By opting for a more flexible approach and focusing on enjoyment rather than battles, we’ve created a more positive and harmonious family mealtime experience.