In 2015, I was outside a hotel with my 2-year-old son, Leo. He was fascinated by a flowerbed, and the sprinklers were on, enticing him to get closer. I told him it was time to head inside, and while I was holding his hand, he went completely limp, just as he often did when he didn’t want to leave. Suddenly, I felt a pop in his arm.
In that moment, I panicked. I didn’t know it then, but a toddler’s joints, especially their elbows, can be quite loose. When Leo screamed and let his right arm dangle limply, I felt a rush of dread. We were at a hotel in sunny California, attending a family event, and I was desperately trying to keep Leo quiet so my partner could rest.
As a new father at 26, I assumed the worst—I thought I had seriously hurt my child. Until that moment, Leo had seemed so resilient, always falling and bouncing back. But fear gripped me; I worried that I had done something irreparable. This fear, I later learned, is quite common among new parents.
Before Leo was born, I had heard countless cautionary tales of parents facing tragic accidents. I was plagued with impostor syndrome, often questioning my capability to be a good father. Friends joked about my past mischief, and I half-expected someone to declare that I was unfit to parent.
As I gazed at Leo, sobbing with his arm limp at his side, anxiety flooded over me. I knew I hadn’t killed him, but the thought of seriously injuring him or losing him was paralyzing.
I picked him up and entered our hotel room. When my partner, Sarah, saw Leo, he attempted to lift his left arm, but the pain was too much. My heart broke for him. I had never felt such deep compassion until I became a parent.
“What happened?” Sarah asked.
I explained the situation: how Leo had gone limp and the pop I felt. “What should we do?” I asked, feeling helpless.
Back then, my only experience with doctors was for routine check-ups. I was anxious about costs and uncertain if we’d have sufficient insurance coverage for an urgent care visit. My mind raced with irrational fears that the doctors might suspect foul play, resulting in Leo being taken away from me.
I was a bundle of nerves, and as a new father, I was hardly composed. Thankfully, Sarah, usually the calm voice of reason, comforted Leo while suggesting we call a nurse.
“Can we do that?” I asked, surprised.
“Of course,” she replied, rolling her eyes slightly. “There’s a number on our insurance card.”
I dialed the number, and as I explained the situation to the nurse, Leo started to bounce around the room, laughing despite the pain. The nurse calmly informed me that the limp arm was likely a result of a condition called Nursemaid’s elbow—a common injury in toddlers.
“It’s really common. You just need to take him to urgent care, and they can pop it back in,” she assured me.
I later learned that Nursemaid’s elbow is a routine injury for young children, often caused by them going limp while being held, tripping, or even rolling over. I joked that we should get a punch card for our frequent visits.
As I was getting directions to the urgent care, Leo tripped over my foot and fell on his shoulder. To my surprise, he suddenly could move his right arm! I informed the nurse, who responded cheerfully, “Great! Sounds like it popped back into place!”
In that moment, I felt a wave of relief. But I also confided in the nurse about my feelings of inadequacy. “I feel like such a terrible parent,” I admitted. “I love him so much, but am I doing something wrong?”
She chuckled softly and reassured me, “I’ve talked to many worried parents. Caring for little ones can feel like trying to catch a bouncing ball. Even the best parents can’t prevent all injuries. Your concern for Leo shows you’re doing just fine.”
Her words grounded me, and I felt a mix of relief and gratitude. “Thank you. I really needed to hear that,” I replied.
If you’re navigating the challenges of parenting, remember that accidents happen, and they don’t define your abilities as a parent.
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In summary, it’s essential to remember that common injuries like Nursemaid’s elbow are a normal part of childhood. Your worries as a parent are valid, but they don’t make you inadequate. Trust in your love and care for your child, and know that you are not alone in your experiences.