My daughter will be celebrating her second birthday next month. When my son reached this milestone, I was in the best shape of my life. I was working out regularly, sometimes even twice a day, simply because it felt great. My diet was balanced, with occasional treats. Before becoming a parent, I never led a particularly active or healthy lifestyle.
After my son was born, I had ups and downs with dieting and exercise, managing to lose some of the 50 pounds I gained during my first pregnancy. Everything seemed to align when he turned 18 months, and I finally felt like I was regaining my rhythm. On his second birthday, I took a pregnancy test, and to my surprise, I was already two weeks along.
Initially, my husband and I planned to space our children two to three years apart. The idea was to wait until one was out of diapers before welcoming another. Now, we find ourselves wanting a third child, but I’ve decided to delay getting pregnant again for at least another year because I haven’t lost the weight from my second pregnancy.
Unfortunately, I haven’t shed any of it.
Some may see this as superficial, and perhaps it is. However, it matters to me. I miss the way I looked and felt when my son was a toddler. Even after having children, I felt better about my body than I ever did before motherhood. I’ve never been one for body positivity, nor have I had a healthy relationship with food—except for that brief period when my son was young and I established a routine that worked for us.
I don’t want to create additional obstacles between me and a goal that has already been challenging to achieve this time around. I gained 40 pounds during my last pregnancy. I’ve lost a bit here and there, only to regain it repeatedly over the past two years. My biggest struggle has been prioritizing self-care while managing a household and two kids. There is time in my day and opportunities to change my habits daily, yet there’s also an overwhelming amount of work—errands, chores, work commitments, playing with the kids, and preparing meals. I often find myself at the bottom of my to-do list.
This time has presented various challenges. I was jogging regularly and eating healthily, feeling good overall. Then, I had a fall down the stairs, resulting in a hematoma on my hip that made walking painful. Running became impossible, and it took weeks before I could manage grocery shopping alone.
Then came the frequent migraines. I’d find my groove for a week or two, only to be sidelined by a migraine for days. This cycle of starting and stopping has been demoralizing.
A lot of my struggle stems from sheer exhaustion. I’m tired. Ironically, regular exercise boosts my energy levels, creating a vicious cycle. My relationship with food also complicates things. When I use food as a way to cope with stress and anxiety, it quickly becomes an easy escape. A bad day can lead to junk food, followed by a promise to do better tomorrow—only for that tomorrow to continuously get delayed.
I refuse to become pregnant again until I lose this weight. I want to maintain that weight loss long enough to feel confident I won’t revert to my old habits. Right now, the reflection in the mirror is someone I don’t recognize or like. She looks defeated and frustrated, doing nothing to change her situation. I’m determined not to feel this unhappy in my own skin again, and I certainly don’t want to feel even worse by getting pregnant now.
Both my husband and I desire another child. I feel ready in every aspect of my life except for this one. It’s incredibly frustrating that my weight is hindering something I genuinely want.
Putting myself first—making it a top priority—is challenging but essential. I’m gradually getting back into a routine and being extra cautious on stairs. I want to look in the mirror and see myself again. I’m eager to return to the journey of expanding our family, but not just yet. For more insights into home insemination, check out this article on intrauterine insemination. You can also explore more about artificial insemination kits at Make A Mom.
Summary:
Emily Carter reflects on her decision to postpone pregnancy until she sheds the weight gained during her second pregnancy. She shares her struggles with maintaining a healthy lifestyle while managing the demands of motherhood and emphasizes the importance of prioritizing self-care in her journey back to fitness.