What Those Without Mental Illness Should Understand

I don’t personally experience mental illness. My understanding of what mental health struggles truly entail didn’t develop until I married my partner, Alex, nearly two decades ago. Alex is a wonderful, gentle person who has faced anxiety for most of his life. This isn’t just occasional nervousness; it’s a genuine disorder that causes his mind to spiral into panic without any clear reason.

Now, as a parent to a teenager who also grapples with anxiety and a specific phobia, I’ve come to realize just how profound these issues can be. Before this, I had little grasp of what a real phobia could mean and how it could affect daily life. I didn’t understand how exhausting it can be for someone with an anxiety disorder to navigate everyday tasks. For them, functioning is possible but demands significantly more energy and effort compared to those of us who don’t have our minds constantly working against us.

Misunderstandings About Mental Health

People who don’t experience mental health challenges often misunderstand those who do. It’s easy to think that if someone simply tried harder or followed the same strategies we use to cope with fear or sadness, they could overcome their struggles. There’s also a tendency to attribute their issues to parenting, upbringing, or trauma. While these factors can sometimes play a role, they certainly don’t apply universally to everyone dealing with mental health issues. It’s a misconception to suggest that individuals choose to wallow in their conditions or use them as excuses to avoid facing challenges.

What we need to recognize is that anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, ADHD, and other mental illnesses are not choices, much like physical conditions such as juvenile diabetes or cancer. Yet, we often show more compassion toward those with physical ailments. Why is it so much easier to empathize with someone suffering from a physical illness than with someone battling a mental one?

The Nature of Mental Disorders

Part of the answer lies in the nature of mental disorders themselves. They often manifest as extreme versions of feelings that everyone experiences at some point. We’ve all felt anxious or sad; many of us have dealt with restlessness or scattered thoughts. This can create a false sense of understanding. Until I witnessed clinical anxiety firsthand and learned about the internal battles my loved ones face during episodes, I mistakenly believed my occasional anxious moments equated to their experiences. But the difference between being nervous and having an anxiety disorder is substantial — they’re worlds apart.

The Invisibility of Mental Illness

Another reason mental illness can be difficult to grasp is its invisibility. Most people would never guess that Alex and our child face such challenges. Their struggles are largely internal, only visible to those who know them well over time. To outsiders, they might seem shy or quirky, but the reality is far more complex.

Take my daughter’s emetophobia, a crippling fear of vomiting. To the untrained eye, it may look like a typical aversion, but it’s much more than that. It’s heart-wrenching to watch her repeatedly question whether the mayonnaise we bought is safe or to see her unable to attend karate class due to fears of illness. To most, she appears to be a sweet, intelligent teenager, but only family and close friends witness the impact of her condition on her daily life.

The Journey of Treatment

For those of us who love individuals dealing with these invisible battles, it’s crucial to understand the depth of their struggles. Treatment often involves trial and error, focusing more on management than a complete cure. It requires a multifaceted approach, and patience through a journey that can feel like two steps forward and one step back. While medication can be effective, it’s not always the solution. Anyone claiming to have a quick fix likely lacks an understanding of these illnesses.

Empathy and Understanding

We must acknowledge that individuals facing mental health challenges are not weak; in fact, they display immense strength every day. Those of us without these struggles need to realize there’s much we don’t understand. This awareness should foster greater empathy and less snap judgment. Given that nearly one in five individuals experiences a mental illness each year, it’s safe to assume we all know someone silently fighting their own battles. By working to eradicate the stigma surrounding mental health, we can help our friends and family feel safer and more supported.

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Summary

Understanding mental illness requires empathy and awareness. Those without such struggles often misinterpret the challenges faced by others, mistakenly believing that mental health issues are choices or easily manageable. By acknowledging the complexities of these conditions and fostering open conversations, we can help reduce stigma and provide crucial support for those affected.