At the close of each day, I find myself too drained for anything beyond reality TV reruns.
After tidying up, putting the baby to bed, and finally shedding my bra, I sink into the couch, a wave of “to-do” tasks flooding my mind.
- Soak that onesie in OxiClean after today’s beet mishap.
- Plan meals for the week.
- Create a grocery list.
- Update the baby book for months seven through nine.
- Order prints from our last three photo sessions.
- Unsubscribe from the junk emails stuffing our recycling bin.
- Get those photos framed.
- Declutter my closet.
- Start mapping out our summer vacation.
- Finish that book I started ages ago.
- Complete this essay.
The buzz of “must-dos” and “should-dos” swirls around me like a hive of frantic bees. I swat them away and pour myself another glass of wine.
My body feels worn out. My muscles ache. I seem to be losing hair at an alarming rate. Nearly ten months post-baby, I often feel like I’m inhabiting someone else’s body—and life.
Throughout the day, I’m on my baby’s schedule, predicting his needs and interpreting his cries. When he stirs, I leap into action, and when he shows signs of sleepiness, I dive into our “sleepy routine,” employing every trick I know to soothe him to slumber.
Dressing him feels like wrestling a tiger, changing diapers resembles grappling with an alligator, and mealtime is akin to feeding a snapping turtle. Being a mother at this stage is like an intense sport, draining my energy until my next lukewarm cup of coffee.
In those early days, when my son was a tiny, sleepy bundle unaware of day from night, I cherished the quiet of 3 a.m. feedings. It was a rare moment where I could escape the “shoulds” and simply exist with my baby. Even during the toughest nights when exhaustion felt overwhelming and isolating, I found solace in knowing the sun would rise again, bringing with it a new day to tackle.
As my baby transitioned from a newborn to an infant, winter’s arrival brought with it a suffocating blanket of fatigue. After months of broken sleep, the charm of nightly awakenings faded. I was utterly drained, yet I found myself staying up later, yearning for that stillness I once had.
One such night, I lounged on the couch, scrolling through social media, TV playing softly in the background, and my glass of wine within reach. As my partner headed upstairs, he casually asked, “Why don’t you just go to bed?”
The truth is, all day I’ve been living for my little one. When he sleeps, it’s my time to reclaim my own life—even if that just means catching up on reality TV shows.
For those interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this post about intracervical insemination. If you are seeking authoritative resources on this topic, Make a Mom offers great insight into the process. Additionally, Healthline provides excellent information on intrauterine insemination, which can be helpful as you explore your options.
In summary, many moms stay up late not just to catch up on chores, but to carve out a moment for themselves in the whirlwind of parenting. Those quiet hours are a brief escape from the demands of motherhood, even if it means indulging in a guilty pleasure.