Let’s get real for a moment: I’ve faced my share of Judgy Parent Syndrome. While I typically embrace a “you do you” philosophy, the world of parenting thrust me into a judgmental atmosphere where I, too, found myself contributing to this toxic culture. Now, after twenty months of learning, I’ve gained important insights, especially about my past as a sanctimommy. Here’s how it all unfolded:
Step 1: Engage in a Parenting Choice That Invites Criticism
For me, that choice was co-sleeping. Armed with a packet from birthing classes and the hospital warning me about the dangers of sharing a bed with my newborn, I initially had no plans to co-sleep. I had invested in a fancy Halo Bassinest designed to soothe my baby. Fearful of SIDS and other dangers, I attempted to use it, but my son, Leo, woke up numerous times. Out of sheer exhaustion and convenience, I began bringing him into bed with me to nurse him.
At first, I would carefully return him to his bassinet after each feeding, all swaddled and cozy. But one night, I dozed off while nursing, and we both stayed asleep. With my breast close by, he would wake just enough to nurse and then drift back off, making our nights much easier. I worried about the judgment from others—comments suggesting that co-sleeping could lead to a lifetime of dependency or worse.
Step 2: Discover Niche Parenting Groups
I turned to Google, searching for co-sleeping resources, and stumbled upon numerous supportive groups online. I joined several, including those focused on breastfeeding and attachment parenting, and found a community of like-minded individuals.
In parenting, it’s easy to feel isolated, but finding a group of people going through the same struggles feels comforting. Initially, discussions were casual, with parents sharing their positive experiences of co-sleeping. Soon, however, it escalated into a culture of superiority where non-co-sleepers were deemed disconnected from their children.
As I absorbed these opinions, I began to believe that my parenting choices were not only acceptable but also the right ones, supported by “evidence-based” information.
Step 3: The Judgment Phase
Empowered by my newfound beliefs, I became an outspoken advocate for co-sleeping, babywearing, and extended breastfeeding. Part of it was about sharing what I believed to be true, while another part was defensive, protecting myself from criticism. I found myself engaging in debates, armed with facts and memes supporting my stance, often disregarding the diverse experiences of others.
Step 4: A Moment of Clarity
Eventually, co-sleeping became a struggle. Leo was six months old; my back was aching from lying on my side, and he was nursing more frequently. My relationship with my partner was suffering due to our lack of alone time. I realized that the support system I had created was filled with people who condemned any desire to change my approach. Trying to find new strategies for sleep training felt like a betrayal to my advocacy for attachment parenting.
It hit me: I shouldn’t have shared my parenting choices at all. The truth is, nobody really cares about how you choose to raise your child. Whether you co-sleep, breastfeed, or use any other method, it’s your decision.
Step 5: Finding Healing
Fortunately, I had my core group of supportive moms, a nonjudgmental haven where we uplift each other. In this group, opinions are based on personal experiences and professional advice rather than random internet articles. We all navigate our unique parenting journeys and celebrate our love for our children.
I’ve recently taken steps to eliminate negativity from my social media. I unfollowed groups that fostered judgment and unfriended those who perpetuate a narrow worldview. Ultimately, my parenting style is a blend of choices: breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and even sleep training. These decisions work for us, and they’re nobody’s business but mine and Leo’s.
It’s time we trust one another to make the best choices for our families and cease the judgmental comments that hurt the most.
For more insightful discussions on home insemination, consider checking out IVF Babble for excellent resources. If you’re interested in learning more about the process, you can explore this informative article as well as a guide on home insemination kits.
In summary, it’s crucial to embrace and support diverse parenting choices instead of falling into the trap of judgment. Our journeys are unique, and that’s what makes parenting beautiful.