I was having a conversation with a colleague who had recently become a dad. He was in his early 30s and had welcomed a baby girl into his life about six months ago. His biggest concern? She couldn’t sleep without her pacifier, and he was anxious about buying too many, fearing it would create a long-term habit.
We were in his cramped office, where he sat behind a desk that seemed too small for his broad shoulders. He was a big guy from LA, a former Division 1 football player. Definitely not your typical scared dad. And yet, here he was, worrying that his daughter might grow up to be a lifelong pacifier user, as if that was a genuine concern beyond a music festival.
I raised my hands in a gesture of reassurance and said, “Don’t stress about that.”
He gave me a look—an expression that every new parent has worn at some point. It was the sort of look that says, “Am I doing this right?” The same look that parents get when they pore over nutrition labels at the grocery store, hoping to find the best possible option for their child while their toddler is in the cart, throwing a tantrum for fruit snacks. Meanwhile, experienced parents watch from a distance, chuckling, knowing that their child will likely reject that quinoa salad in favor of mac and cheese.
Here’s the thing: parenting isn’t about perfection. Sure, you can steer the ship, but don’t get too hung up on trivial matters like pacifiers or what’s for dinner. If you’re overly fixated on every little detail, you’ll drive yourself crazy. Kids operate on their own terms. Your role is to gently guide them.
“Listen,” I said, “I’m a dad of three. I’ve been in the game for a decade, and believe me, my wife and I used to stress about the same things. Our kids were all pacifier enthusiasts. And guess what?”
“What?” he asked, intrigued.
“Nothing major happened. They eventually outgrew it. Until they’re ready, fighting over it will only cause unnecessary anxiety. For what? A piece of plastic? A comfort item? Don’t sweat it. In fact, buy more of them. Stock up. It’ll make your life easier.”
“Oh, and you want the secret to parenting?” I continued, “Get ready for it: mac and cheese. Embrace it. Just buy a ton of it. Everything will be fine. The same goes for pacifiers.”
He didn’t seem thrilled by my advice, and honestly, I wouldn’t have been either. When my wife and I first became parents, we were often anxious about minor details. But we eventually learned that some things just aren’t worth the stress. For instance, if my toddler decides to remove her shoes on the way to the store, I can either get mad about it or just accept that she’ll find a way to take them off anyway. So I simply put her in the cart sans shoes. No big deal.
What I’m trying to convey is that parenting is about choosing your battles wisely. This means buying extra pacifiers, allowing your child to go shoeless in public, or sending your little one to school with hair that looks like it had a rough night. It’s all perfectly fine.
If you’re a new parent reading this, understand that not everything needs to be a source of stress. What truly matters is the time you spend with your kids. Watch their favorite shows, play on the floor, and snuggle after a long day. That’s the essence of parenting.
My colleague was quiet for a moment, the gravity of parenting weighing on him. But I reassured him, “I’m serious—just give her pacifiers. Stock up so there’s one in every room. Don’t resist it. Once she’s happily sucking on a couple, embrace those moments of closeness. That’s what’s essential. When she’s ready to part with the binky, you’ll know, and soon enough, she’ll move on to the next phase. In the meantime, cherish those snuggles. It’ll all turn out okay.”
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Summary
Parenting often involves letting go of stress over minor issues like pacifiers and choosing your battles wisely. The moments spent with your children are what truly matter, so embrace these experiences without fear.