Anytime the subject of breastfeeding beyond the age of one arises, someone is bound to remark, “I think that after [insert preferred age], the mom is just doing it for herself, not for the child.” This often sparks laughter from mothers who have nursed toddlers or preschoolers.
I breastfed all three of my children until they were just over three years old. I didn’t plan to nurse for that long; I simply adopted a “they’ll stop when they’re ready” mindset. Growing up, I was influenced by a mother who was a La Leche League leader and later became a lactation consultant. She mentioned that I nursed until I was 2.5 years old, and I witnessed my younger sibling breastfeed until preschool. I was informed about the natural weaning ages from various studies and knew that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of two years. Thus, extended breastfeeding felt totally normal to me.
I didn’t begin my breastfeeding journey with a specific timeline in mind. However, it wasn’t until I had a three-year-old that I realized how it felt. The truth is, you don’t start with a three-year-old; you begin with a newborn who gradually grows. Eventually, nursing occurs less frequently, perhaps just once or twice daily. There’s no magical age where it suddenly feels strange. Occasionally annoying or tiring, but never bizarre.
I always find it puzzling where the argument that “it’s more for the mom than the child” comes from. I’ve met many mothers who practiced child-led weaning, and most of them were ready to stop before their children were. Personally, I was ready to be done around age two and would have been perfectly fine to stop at that point. However, my kids were quite attached to nursing, particularly at bedtime. Stopping abruptly would have felt akin to taking away a beloved toy. I wasn’t willing to subject them to the emotional turmoil of weaning when they weren’t ready.
In reality, we were gradually weaning. Once my babies began eating solid foods, we entered a slow weaning process, partially led by my child and partially by me. I initially stopped offering but nursed when they requested. Then I began to distract them when they asked and I wanted to hold off. My approach included delaying, saying things like, “Not right now,” or “We’ll nurse later.” When I was truly ready to stop, we established rules about when and where we nursed (like “only at home” or “just at bedtime”).
These stages unfolded over a couple of years, with new boundaries introduced at each phase to help transition my child away from nursing. Ultimately, they nursed only in the morning. For some kids, it’s the bedtime nursing that remains; for mine, it was the morning cuddle. It was a gentle, gradual weaning process.
What’s important to note is that I never found myself thinking, “I really want to breastfeed right now.” Early on, yes—when I was engorged, I would have wanted to nurse to relieve discomfort. But beyond that, breastfeeding was never about me.
Those who claim that mothers who breastfeed past a year are doing so for their own gain clearly haven’t experienced nursing a toddler. We all know how demanding toddlers can be; imagine if they were that way about breastfeeding. While nursing can certainly be nurturing, the determination of a toddler is real. I didn’t dislike it, but it wasn’t all blissful for me either. However, considering the research indicates that nursing beyond a year is beneficial and that breast milk continues to be healthy for as long as a child nurses, I was more than willing to let them wean at their own pace.
So, no, I didn’t breastfeed my children past infancy to keep them dependent on me or because I found joy in it. It’s frankly unsettling to suggest that a mother would continue nursing for her own satisfaction. Such claims can even border on absurd and offensive insinuations.
I genuinely don’t grasp why some feel the need to make uncomfortable assumptions about experiences outside their own. I understand how the notion of a toddler or preschooler nursing might seem odd if you haven’t experienced it. But just because it’s unfamiliar doesn’t mean it’s unhealthy or inappropriate.
Listen to the many mothers who have nursed well beyond a year and believe us when we say there’s nothing strange or self-centered about it. It’s simply a natural, gradual weaning process that countless women around the world have embraced throughout history.
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Summary
Breastfeeding beyond the age of one is often misunderstood, with some people suggesting that it serves the mother’s needs more than the child’s. However, many mothers, including myself, find that the process is a gradual, child-led transition rather than a selfish pursuit. It’s essential to recognize that extended nursing is a normal practice embraced by countless women throughout history.