When parents start to share stories about how their little ones are sleeping through the night, I can’t help but think: “We have a rule about this.” Sure, I get that you’re excited about your child’s sleep success and the strategies you’ve implemented to achieve it. You’re eager to share how you’ve reclaimed your evenings. I appreciate the sentiment, but let’s just say, we adhere to some unspoken guidelines around here.
Sleep, especially baby sleep, is a subject that seems to ignite passionate opinions, and many feel compelled to weigh in. I can still remember the first time I was asked how my newborn was sleeping. It was mere moments after giving birth, and I was still feeling the effects of labor when a stranger casually inquired, “So…how is he sleeping?”
Caught off guard, I replied honestly, “Oh, he wakes every hour.” Rookie mistake. That simple truth opened a floodgate of unsolicited advice.
- “You need to fix that fast.”
- “Are you co-sleeping?”
- “Try co-sleeping!”
- “Put him in his bed.”
- “Let him cry it out.”
And on and on it went.
As a mom of three, each with different sleep patterns, I’ve learned to navigate this topic with a discerning eye. Yet, as a new mother, every piece of advice felt like a potential key to unlocking better sleep for my little one. Exhaustion was my constant companion. With nursing challenges, I was feeding, pumping, and bouncing my baby on an exercise ball, all while feeling like I might collapse from fatigue.
Despite trying every method under the sun—co-sleeping, wearing him during the day, feeding on demand, and establishing a bedtime routine—I was still met with sleepless nights. The one piece of advice I hadn’t tried yet? Letting him cry it out.
I had friends who couldn’t wait to start sleep training. They were wonderful parents, yet I felt like an outsider in this realm. I talked about my plans to try sleep training with everyone—my husband, my family, even moms at the playground. But when it came down to it, I was too overwhelmed to follow through.
Then came the day I decided to take a break and grab lunch with friends, leaving my husband to care for our son. I had mixed feelings about being apart, but I knew it was necessary for both of us. When I texted my husband for an update, his response shocked me: “The baby is asleep in his crib.”
Joy and pride quickly turned to guilt and frustration when he added, “And he only cried for 20 minutes.” I felt betrayed; he had let our baby cry it out without me there to support him. I hadn’t been mentally prepared for that approach, and I felt like I had failed my child.
But in time, I realized my baby was fine, and so was my husband. While I would love to say that led to a seamless transition into better sleep habits, it didn’t. My child still struggled with sleep, and I came to terms with the fact that sleep training wasn’t the right path for us.
Parenting is an emotional rollercoaster, filled with both joy and exhaustion. It’s absurd to think there’s a single right way to do it. Just like I wouldn’t presume how someone should feed or diaper their baby, I won’t accept that there’s only one way to manage sleep.
My oldest, who is about to turn 5, has two younger siblings with distinctly different sleep needs. One of them loves his crib, while the other often snuggles with us at night. They wake for various reasons—thirst, accidents, or bad dreams—but we’ve created our own rhythm.
Now, as I sit surrounded by three mattresses for a family sleepover, I acknowledge that I’m still tired. Sometimes I wish I could have embraced the cry-it-out method, but I’ve learned to accept our unique approach to sleep. This is how we parent, and I cherish the bond we’re building as a family.
And guess what? We don’t talk about sleep.
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Summary:
The article delves into the unspoken rule among parents regarding sleep discussions, emphasizing the emotional complexities surrounding infant sleep. It reflects on personal experiences with sleep training, the pressure of societal expectations, and the unique sleep needs of different children. Ultimately, the author embraces their family’s individual sleep journey while advocating for a more understanding approach to parenting choices.