As Mother’s Day approaches each year, a wave of blog posts and news articles emerges, urging mothers to be mindful of those for whom this day may be painful. The trend seems to increasingly call for mothers to step back in consideration of individuals who have experienced loss.
Having been a child without a mother and having faced the challenges of infertility, I understand the complex emotions that can arise around this holiday. However, I can’t help but feel that many of the criticisms aimed at Mother’s Day are rooted in subtle sexism.
Let’s examine a few key points:
- Mothers in the U.S. are often marginalized. While it may not be obvious to those without children, mothers frequently face discrimination in the workplace. Unlike many mothers around the world, American mothers do not receive guaranteed paid maternity leave, and childcare costs can be exorbitant. This often leads to women sacrificing their careers for family needs, given the existing pay gap.
- Father’s Day does not face the same scrutiny. My social media feeds are typically devoid of reminders on Father’s Day to be sensitive to those without fathers or those grieving child loss. This day, initially created to celebrate fathers, goes largely unchallenged.
- Mother’s Day seems to be micromanaged more than other holidays. Other secular holidays, such as Veterans Day or Valentine’s Day, are celebrated without the same level of criticism directed at those who aren’t directly involved. People do not demand that veterans downplay their significance on Veterans Day, nor do we ask children to minimize their enjoyment of Halloween.
- The calendar is full of events that cater to specific groups without backlash. For instance, non-runners typically do not resent running events that disrupt their routines. Similarly, children enjoy school breaks without adults demanding equal time off. Not everyone needs to be included in every celebration.
- Mothers, more than any other group, face constant scrutiny on how to fulfill their roles. We receive conflicting advice from various sources, which can be overwhelming. Now, on top of everything, we are told to tread carefully on Mother’s Day to avoid excluding those without positive maternal experiences. This feels like an additional attempt to control women, particularly mothers.
Mother’s Day has roots in feminism, with early celebrations honoring mother goddesses and promoting reconciliation during the Civil War. The holiday evolved from feminist movements, including Julia Ward Howe’s call for mothers to unite for peace. Today, Mother’s Day provides a much-needed opportunity for mothers to support each other in a culture that often seeks to divide us.
While I recognize that motherhood can evoke complicated feelings, I believe we can honor the pain of loss while still allowing mothers and families to celebrate this day in the way they choose, free from guilt or societal pressure.
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In summary, the trend to criticize Mother’s Day is misplaced. It seems to stem from a broader issue of sexism and societal pressures placed on mothers. We should be able to celebrate motherhood without feeling the need to justify our joy in light of others’ struggles.