Last Thursday, I started my day by whipping up some scrambled eggs, fruit, and toast for my two little ones. Given that they’re 4 and nearly 2, it’s a quick meal I know they’ll happily eat. I don’t often resort to cereal, not due to the sugar content, but because my youngest would find immense delight in dumping her bowl of milk and Cheerios all over herself. I’d prefer to deal with a pan and a cutting board than clean up that mess and give her an extra bath.
While my kids enjoyed breakfast, I took a moment to tidy up the house. I gathered dirty towels and swapped them for clean ones, eagerly anticipating the knock on my door.
You see, I recently penned an article about hiring a housekeeper, and Thursday marked her first day. Typically, Thursdays are my big cleaning days. With two adults, two kids, two cats, and a dog, there’s always plenty to do. But on this Thursday, a wonderful woman came into my home and tackled the heavy lifting for me. I made sure everything was organized and put away, but the scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, and mopping were finally off my to-do list. I handed over the control.
She’ll be coming every two weeks, and it’s already a significant relief for me. I now know that every two weeks, no matter how hectic or challenging my week has been, I can hit the reset button.
As our new housekeeper got to work, I sat down to color with my son while we waited for my daughter to wake up from her nap. The following morning, I wasn’t exhausted from my attempts at deep cleaning and child-rearing. I felt no frustration from not accomplishing enough the previous day. It turned out to be one of the most pleasant Friday mornings I can recall, smooth and effortless.
We were preparing to leave for a family wedding, and I wasn’t overwhelmed about returning to a messy home. Rather than spending the day before cleaning, I focused on packing. For once, our family was ready to leave on time for a road trip, which is practically unheard of for us. Typically, I’m frazzled before going away, but this time was different.
Most changes take some time before you recognize if they were right or wrong decisions. However, it was immediately clear that hiring a housekeeper was the right choice for my family.
When I shared my thoughts on hiring a housekeeper, the feedback was largely positive. Numerous commenters mentioned that they, too, had a housekeeper and were grateful for the help. Some expressed that if they had the financial means, they would happily opt for the same.
Yet, there were others who took issue with my decision to hire help, viewing it as a choice they wouldn’t make for themselves. Some labeled me as privileged (which I am, and I acknowledge that). A few called me lazy, while others questioned why I would hire someone to do work I could handle myself — you know, “women’s work” and all that. It’s clear that many of these critics struggle to comprehend a woman who, unhappy with a certain aspect of her life and with the means to change it, actually does something about it.
It’s disheartening how many people believe that housework should solely fall on the parent who spends the most time at home. This should surprise me, but it doesn’t. The reality is that in most households, the parent at home is typically the mother, and housework is often viewed as women’s responsibility, despite both men and women living in the space and contributing to the mess. Even when both parents work, it’s often the mother who bears the brunt of household chores alongside her career. It’s not universal, but it’s a common scenario, and it frustrates me that housework can sometimes be perceived as a punishment for not financially contributing to a household.
Let’s be clear: If you stay home to care for your children, you are financially contributing to your household. If you manage errands, appointments, and budgets, you are adding value. Childcare can be as costly as, if not more than, a mortgage. The responsibilities that often fall on mothers are valuable and time-consuming, and your time is worth something. So let’s stop perpetuating the outdated notion that staying home means taking on every conceivable responsibility that isn’t directly related to “bringing home the bacon” to be considered equal with a partner.
This idea that I’m somehow burdening my husband or being disrespectful? He deserves much more credit. My husband doesn’t question what I do all day. He’s well aware because he’s spent ample time alone with our children. He understands that by staying home, I’m saving us money. He sees that hiring a housekeeper is a minor expense compared to the time I’d otherwise spend on cleaning and the value of my being less drained and more present.
Most importantly, he recognizes me as his equal and respects my ability to make my own choices about how to spend my time. I extend him the same courtesy.
And no, I won’t be focusing on “pleasing” my husband to justify hiring help.
If you think I’m taking the easy way out or doing “nothing,” well, let me enlighten you. I’m currently advocating for my autistic and gifted son’s educational needs, fighting against a school system that often overlooks his requirements until he fails. Last night, I spent over four hours on calls with educational professionals, seeking advice and arranging more meetings. This morning included conversations with lawyers, advocates, and therapists. I’ve been busy scanning and sending his assessments to various individuals who can help navigate this complex system. And I made sure to take a moment to snuggle him because sometimes, you just need to hold your child close.
There’s an extensive list of tasks, forms, calls, and emails awaiting my attention regarding his education. At this moment, I’m not crossing anything off that list because I’m responding to this nonsense instead. But you know what’s not on my to-do list? Dusting the ceiling fans. Thank goodness for that.
When I hired a housekeeper, my children didn’t receive a free pass to avoid chores. They’re both capable of picking up their toys and helping set and clear the table. They’re learning that being part of a family means contributing and making life easier for one another. They see me cleaning regularly, not just after the housekeeper’s visits. I have to maintain some level of cleanliness daily to avoid living in chaos.
Even if I were granted a day free of responsibilities and my kids didn’t pitch in, what business is it of anyone else? Why does it bother some people so much that I, as an adult woman, am making a choice different from theirs? Some believe the ideal scenario is for all mothers to stay home, maintain spotless homes, and have dinner ready when their partners arrive. They expect women to embrace this role without complaint and certainly without questioning the status quo.
Well, I think the world would be a better place if random strangers on the internet didn’t feel entitled to suggest I should perform sexual favors for my husband to offset the cost of hiring someone to clean my home a couple of times a month. Everyone has an opinion, right?
In summary, hiring help for housework has allowed me to focus on what truly matters: my family and their needs. It has lifted a significant burden off my shoulders, enabling me to engage more fully in their lives and my own personal growth.