I never thought I’d find myself saying that I’m a stay-at-home dad. First of all—wait, I have a child?! And I’m not working? What on earth am I doing with my time?
To give you some background, my partner and I took a trip to the Caribbean about 13 months ago. After a few cocktails and a minor Zika scare, we are now the tired but overjoyed parents of a vibrant 4-month-old girl.
Having observed many friends navigate parenthood over the past two decades, I believed I had a solid grasp on what to expect. To bolster that confidence, we signed up for various classes, including childbirth preparation, CPR, and basic baby care. Sure, I might inadvertently hinder my child’s emotional or intellectual growth, but at least she’ll have clean diapers and a steady oxygen supply.
With a due date of January 2, the final trimester coincided perfectly with the holiday chaos. Life transformed into a whirlwind of anticipation and anxiety. The feeling of urgency was inescapable—no refunds, no time-outs, no do-overs. Our baby crossed the 6-pound mark in the womb, and each sonogram revealed her chubby cheeks growing fuller.
Then, just as I was gearing up for fatherhood, my employer offered a buyout to my department. The option to voluntarily leave my job, while being compensated based on my years of service, came at a surreal but opportune moment. Years of procrastination on the job hunt would finally pay off just as my daughter arrived. I had to accept it. Essentially, I was going to be paid to be a stay-at-home dad during those crucial early months of her life.
Fast forward four months, and I can’t fathom handing her over to anyone else. I’m fortunate to have married someone far more accomplished than I am, and she is rightly recognized for her talent in her career. But could I really shift into being an unpaid stay-at-home dad?
Finances aren’t the primary concern—at least not yet. What troubles me is how others perceive this role. I’d like to think I’ve matured since high school, that the opinions of other men don’t weigh heavily on me. But societal expectations about gender roles still linger. Traditionally, men work and provide for their families.
Yet this is 2023, and much of that stigma is self-imposed. My father and my partner’s father are relics of the past, yet they seem supportive. My male friends are indifferent, though they sometimes jokingly question my masculinity or whether their taxes are funding my “extended vacation” (they’re not, by the way).
Living in Brooklyn, I’ve encountered other stay-at-home dads. Just the other day, I crossed paths with three of them at a CVS. We exchanged subtle nods, sharing a silent camaraderie amidst our shared stereotypes.
So why does it irk me when an old shopkeeper asks if I’m off work today? Or when someone apologizes upon hearing I voluntarily left my job? Or simply when I sense “the look” when I mention I’m a stay-at-home dad? Feeling defensive might be a sign of insecurity, but what’s the point of worrying?
After a fulfilling day spent caring for my daughter, I await my partner’s return from work with a kiss and a cold drink in hand. I throw on an apron to prepare dinner (yes, I enjoy cooking). Watching my partner reconnect with our daughter, while our dog happily scampers about, brings everything into focus.
This is the most significant thing I’ve ever done—and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. When my daughter wakes up with her toothless grin, I know without a doubt that I’ve moved beyond corporate jargon. I owe her a future clear of my own baggage. I want to teach her to be fearless, kind, and unapologetically herself.
She is part of me, but she’s also inherited my looks, which may not be a blessing. One day, she’ll carry forward my legacy. I’ll send her into the world as a compassionate person who will help make it a better place.
To anyone who doubts my choices or questions how I spend my time—real or imagined voices alike—just back off. I’m busy.
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Summary
This article explores the experiences of a man who has chosen to be a stay-at-home dad. Initially surprised by his role, he finds fulfillment in caring for his daughter and grapples with societal perceptions of masculinity and parenting. Ultimately, he embraces his new identity, emphasizing the significance of his role in his child’s life.