It was another challenging morning. Perhaps I should have seen it coming, especially since I was still recovering from a long weekend trip with my partner and our two children. If I was exhausted, they were likely feeling it too. My toddler decided to express her dissatisfaction by throwing her breakfast plate, while my son moved at a snail’s pace as I hurried him to preschool. Every little request was met with complaints or stomping, and I was grateful to finally drop my eldest off at school. My hope was to get my daughter down for a nap when we returned home so I could catch a breather. But before I had even finished my toast, it was already one of those mornings where I found myself counting down the hours until bedtime.
These are the days when you hope the universe will hear your needs, only for it to ignore you completely. My daughter refused to nap, opting instead for whining and crying. I spent the morning trying to guess what she needed, throwing various activities and snacks her way in a desperate attempt to soothe her. But I got no respite, and the clock seemed to crawl toward bedtime.
When I picked up my son from preschool, his teacher informed me he had a particularly tough day filled with tears and tantrums. I could see the distress etched on his face as we drove home. I tried to think of ways to lift his spirits—perhaps a movie or a special treat? Maybe we could order pizza for dinner; that sounded nice since I wasn’t in the mood to cook.
However, as soon as we walked through the door, I was met with the same resistance his teacher had faced earlier. Every suggestion I made was met with whining and defiance. Soon enough, he was in full meltdown mode, crying and screaming. I could tell he was aware of my tiredness, and I had attempted to be patient with him. But it felt like he was determined to make the afternoon just as miserable as the morning had been.
In a moment of frustration, I lost my temper. I yelled and acted unkindly. Almost immediately, I regretted it, but the thought that he seemed completely unbothered by his behavior made it hard for me to calm down. Why was he treating me this way? All I wanted was to help him feel better. How could he respond like this?
Then it dawned on me: I was tired, irritable, and trying to readjust after a few chaotic days. Of course, I was in a foul mood. And he was likely feeling the same way.
Tantrums can feel deeply personal. As parents, we’re often the ones on the receiving end of our children’s outbursts, making it easy to internalize their emotions and feel like failures. The volume of their cries can amplify our own frustrations and insecurities.
Sometimes, emotions can feel overwhelming, and I’ve found myself struggling to manage my own feelings. In those moments, I might snap at those closest to me for minor things. When I finally calm down, I realize that my anger was misdirected.
This is what tantrums resemble: emotions that are simply too intense for a young child to contain, leading to an explosion of feelings. Adults experience a loss of control too, so why wouldn’t kids?
When I remind myself that my children’s behaviors stem from their inability to handle big feelings properly, it helps me respond with empathy instead of defensiveness. Rather than sending my son to time-out in anger, I can guide him to his room to cool off, doing so with love and understanding.
Learning not to take tantrums personally is a continuous journey. This practice has helped me avoid absorbing my son’s emotions and having my own meltdown. Instead of waiting to apologize after the fact, I can remain calm and assist him in managing his feelings.
And regardless of how long the day feels, bedtime is always on the horizon.
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In summary, tantrums can often feel like personal attacks, but recognizing that they stem from a child’s struggle to manage overwhelming emotions can help parents respond with compassion. Acknowledging our own feelings and exhaustion can also foster a more understanding environment for both parent and child. Remember, no matter how challenging the day seems, bedtime will eventually arrive.