It was Mother’s Day, right outside a local church when it happened. My husband was at home, feeling unwell, and I was wrangling our three impeccably dressed kids. After an hour of enticing them with stickers, paper, and various bribes, I finally got them ready. As we stepped outside into the beautiful morning, I adjusted their outfits and re-tied my 7-year-old’s tie. Just as I was finishing up, a woman in her sixties approached me. She’s known for being a bit intrusive and has no qualms about speaking her mind.
“They look adorable in those suits!” she exclaimed. “And you’re expecting another one!”
“What?” I replied, realizing she thought I was pregnant. “No!” I said emphatically. “I’m not pregnant. In fact,” I continued, raising my voice, “I’ve lost a lot of weight recently.”
She raised her hands defensively. “Well, that’s why I was surprised. It’s just the drape of your dress!” And then she hurried away.
Now I had to reconsider my outfit choices—great, just great.
Like that woman, you may be curious about when it’s appropriate to ask a woman if she’s expecting. You might think her rounder belly hints at a baby on the way, especially if she has that rosy glow in her cheeks. But here’s the essential takeaway: your assumptions don’t grant you the right to mention her pregnancy unless she brings it up first.
The only time it’s acceptable for someone to comment on a woman’s pregnancy is if she’s in the throes of labor. If a baby is on its way out—blood, amniotic fluids, and all—then you’re in the clear to say something. Otherwise, until she indicates otherwise, it’s none of your business.
Just because you may suspect she’s pregnant doesn’t mean she is. She could simply be experiencing a food baby. Nobody wants their food baby mistaken for a real one. It’s embarrassing and disheartening, especially if she’s trying to be body positive. She might be attempting to make peace with her body as it is, and a comment about a potential pregnancy could lead to a very awkward situation.
Moreover, she may have been pregnant in the past, leaving its marks on her body. If you casually mention a new addition to her family, you might evoke painful memories of her previous pregnancies, especially if she’s postpartum. If she’s wearing something like Spanx and you insinuate she’s pregnant, that could lead to tears or even an angry response.
If you’re an in-law or a close family friend, you should refrain from asking about potential pregnancies entirely. Questions like “Are you pregnant yet?” can be incredibly frustrating. The word “yet” can make any self-respecting woman feel like she’s under pressure to conform to societal expectations.
The only people who can ask about a woman’s pregnancy without repercussions are her partner, a medical professional, or a pharmacist—people who have a legitimate interest in the matter.
Unless a woman openly expresses her pregnancy or discomfort, your assumptions about her body should remain unspoken.
Remember, it’s best to respect her space and body autonomy. The phrase “You have no right to comment on my body” is a powerful response to unsolicited inquiries.
If you want to learn more about fertility and home insemination, you can read this insightful post on Home Insemination Kits. For more information on at-home insemination options, check out Make a Mom’s Fertility Resources. Additionally, for comprehensive information on pregnancy, News Medical is an excellent resource.
In summary, unless a woman brings up the topic of pregnancy herself, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself. This applies especially to family and friends who may feel entitled to ask. Respect her privacy and let her share the news when she’s ready.