Teaching Kids It’s Okay to Make Mistakes: A Path to Encouraging STEM Engagement

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My first semester in college was a whirlwind of excitement and anxiety, especially when I enrolled in calculus 101. Having performed well in high school precalculus, I thought my background would carry me through. I assumed that as long as I attended class occasionally, studied the material, and completed my assignments, I’d manage just fine.

I vividly remember receiving a D on my first exam.

After a semester filled with struggle and finally scraping by with a C thanks to a tutor’s guidance, I decided I wasn’t a “math person.” I switched my major to literature and never looked back at math again.

This experience is not unique. Many students find that college-level calculus is no walk in the park. But to label myself as “not a math person” after a single setback and to subsequently shy away from math and science raises a question: Was my decision based on genuine disinterest, or was it rooted in a fear of failure?

In a recent piece published in Scientific American, researcher Clara Williams discusses how the American education system and societal attitudes hinder kids from pursuing STEM fields, primarily because we fail to teach them that it’s okay to stumble and even fail. Williams shares her own story, contrasting it with mine; she persevered through her calculus challenges, learned to embrace failures as stepping stones, and ultimately built a successful career in science.

I’m not suggesting my own journey was less fulfilling—I earned my J.D., embarked on a legal career, and now enjoy writing. However, I can’t help but wonder how many others, like me, dismiss their potential in STEM fields simply because they’re intimidated by the difficulty.

This apprehension toward failure tends to impact girls and women more profoundly. In a compelling TED talk, Maya Fields, founder of Tech Girls Unite, points out that girls are often conditioned to strive for perfection while boys are encouraged to be fearless.

“Many girls learn to avoid risks and failure,” she said. “We are taught to look good, play it safe, and achieve high grades. Boys, on the other hand, are taught to take risks, climb higher, and jump off without hesitation. By adulthood, this leads to a significant difference in how they approach challenges—whether it’s negotiating a pay raise or asking someone out.”

This fear of imperfection is particularly detrimental in STEM fields, where risk-taking and acceptance of failure are integral to innovation. Experiment. Fail. Learn. Repeat. Over time, these experiments gradually yield success. Williams notes that our nation’s aversion to failure poses long-term threats to progress in STEM careers. While the United States has a wealth of scientists, a significant number are immigrants. Given the current political climate’s hostility toward immigration, the future of our scientific community could be at risk.

“While the U.S. is home to many scientists, fewer are native-born,” she writes. “These international scientists are invaluable, but changes in immigration policies create uncertainty—many could be forced to leave after their training, which would hinder American science.”

According to Fields, girls usually excel in STEM subjects through fifth grade but adopt different coping mechanisms as they grow older. By adulthood, this pressure for perfection can manifest dramatically. Research shows that men often apply for jobs if they meet just 60% of the qualifications, while women hold back unless they meet 100%.

Consider that for a moment. Women hesitate to apply unless they feel completely qualified. This fixation on perfection can stifle innovation, which is critical in STEM fields. Fields emphasizes the need for us to teach children—particularly girls—to accept risks, learn from failures, and embrace imperfection.

So, how do we instill this mindset in our children? Williams points to resilience as a key factor, suggesting that children who believe their abilities can improve are more likely to pursue their goals despite setbacks. Recognizing effort over innate talent is crucial.

Equally important is demonstrating failure and embracing imperfection ourselves. We need to take risks, stumble from time to time, and show our children that it’s okay to make mistakes. By talking openly about our vulnerabilities and experiences, we can normalize failure.

Williams attributes her resilience to the guidance of older students who shared their struggles. One mentor recounted failing her first-semester exam, a lesson that stuck with Williams during her own challenging moments.

Admitting our failures is uncomfortable, particularly in a culture that values success above all else. I know I often wish to present a flawless facade, but that’s unrealistic. When we model risk-taking and the acceptance of failure, we empower our children to do the same. We pave the way for innovation, progress, and authenticity in their lives.

Our children deserve to have those doors open—and so do we.

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Summary

Teaching our children that it’s acceptable to fail is essential for encouraging their interest in STEM fields. By fostering resilience and demonstrating our own vulnerabilities, we can create an environment where kids, particularly girls, feel empowered to take risks and embrace imperfections. This shift is vital for driving innovation and progress in STEM.