One Easter evening, I discovered my 13-year-old son, Jake, smoking pot beneath our backyard deck. I had gone to bed after telling him to come up for a goodnight kiss, assuming he was just grabbing a late-night snack in the kitchen. When I heard some coughing outside my bedroom window, I peeked out while brushing my teeth and saw his bare legs along with a lighter. At that moment, I understood what was happening.
Jake has always been a cautious child, preferring to maintain control over his surroundings. A few years back, after a bad fall while skiing, he decided against attempting jumps, expressing concerns about breaking bones or losing teeth. “I don’t need to do all that fancy stuff. It’s just not worth it,” he often says. Given his responsible nature—an honor student who rarely has cash—I never anticipated facing this issue at such an early age.
I thought I had done everything right as a parent regarding drugs. I’ve had numerous conversations with him about the dangers of drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes since he was little. I express my love for him daily and strive to understand his feelings and experiences with friends and teachers. We maintain an open dialogue in our home, and he knows he can come to me about anything.
Though I’m not a smoker myself, I don’t judge those who are. I believe everyone has the right to choose what they want to do, whether it’s for medicinal purposes or simply for enjoyment. I’ve supported the legalization of marijuana in our state. However, I can’t adopt the same relaxed stance regarding my 13-year-old son.
Witnessing him, high and attempting to justify his actions with statements like, “It’s just a plant, Mom,” and “It’s not a big deal; it’s like medicine,” made me realize that the newfound freedom to use marijuana legally carries significant responsibility. We need to be cautious in how we discuss this subject, reminding teens that they are too young to experiment with substances. Legal or not, this message must be reinforced.
While I know kids have always experimented, I also recognize that my son is not a troublemaker and this incident does not define his future. But it does not mean that it’s acceptable or healthy for him to believe that smoking is harmless. I understand it’s my role as a parent to guide him, but I’m also aware that kids often latch onto the messages they want to hear about marijuana being natural and safer than other drugs. They believe they can’t overdose and won’t act violently. While I don’t entirely disagree, we must acknowledge that legalizing marijuana could lead to younger kids experimenting with it, and we must be mindful of how we communicate about it—politically and socially.
Jake confessed that it was not the first time he had tried it. As he spoke to me with half-closed eyes, I struggled to maintain my composure and not cry out, “No, not my baby!” He said, “I feel like this helps me. I like how it makes me feel, but I also think I might be ruining my life.” He showed me where he kept his stash, including a pipe and a pill bottle filled with weed that he got from a classmate. It was as if he wanted to explore this new territory but also sought a way out. Teenagers often lack the ability to fully process their feelings about such decisions. I’ve never seen Jake look so uncertain.
I hugged him tightly, thankful for his honesty and for being open to listening to me. I assured him that we would work through this together. While he showered, I took his smelly clothes to the laundry and waited in his room. When he returned, I expressed my gratitude for his openness but made it clear that his behavior was inappropriate for a 13-year-old. I explained his punishment: a month without friends, phone, or social media, and he would spend the rest of spring break helping his father. I understand he is upset, but I believe he also appreciates my guidance.
From my perspective, Jake’s experimentation with marijuana comes from a place of curiosity rather than rebellion. Regardless of society’s casual attitude toward marijuana today, it remains a drug with potential harmful effects on developing minds. Jake felt justified by the information he has absorbed about marijuana’s medicinal properties and its natural, easily accessible status. I’m not blaming anyone but myself, and I haven’t changed my views on legalization. However, we must be careful about how we deliver messages regarding marijuana to our children. The “good news” about pot is intended for adults, not for growing teens.
I’m unsure if I’m handling this situation correctly. Some may think I’m overreacting, while others may feel I haven’t done enough. That’s perfectly okay. I just wish to convey to fellow parents that our kids are influenced by our casual attitudes towards marijuana use. We need to engage in these conversations, now more than ever.
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Summary:
In this candid reflection, a parent shares the shock of discovering their 13-year-old son experimenting with marijuana. Despite a liberal stance on recreational use, the author grapples with the implications of legalization and the responsibility that comes with it. The narrative emphasizes the need for open conversations with children about drug use and the potential dangers of early experimentation.