Motherhood came crashing down on me like a heavy weight. It was a whirlwind of love and joy, but also a challenging initiation that felt overwhelming. From the moment my son entered the world, he had high demands, leaving little room for the so-called “sleepy newborn” phase. We didn’t get that brief respite to catch our breath or feel confident in our parenting abilities. Our baby needed us in an all-consuming way that felt suffocating.
We weren’t completely naive—okay, maybe we were a bit. We understood that having a baby would change our lives dramatically. We anticipated the endless care that a newborn requires, including sleep deprivation. Yet, in our pre-baby fantasies, we mistakenly believed that all babies slept soundly in their cribs, waking only for food or when they were no longer tired. We thought that if we responded to our baby’s needs quickly, he wouldn’t cry as much. How wrong we were.
At first, we accepted our new reality, hoping things would settle down soon. But when they didn’t, self-doubt crept in, fueled by unsolicited advice from every corner. Instead of embracing the fact that our baby just needed us, we started to resist his intense needs. We became entangled in the struggles of sleep associations, distinguishing wants from needs, and the feelings of frustration that came from trying to manage a fussy, demanding, and wide-awake infant.
This constant battle left us feeling unhappy and dissatisfied, as we desperately sought to “fix” our baby so life could return to normal. We were swimming upstream. Thankfully, after months of struggle, I finally found a sense of acceptance that transformed my approach to motherhood.
Many times, I had heard that it was okay to let things slide when you have a newborn. However, I had set conditions for myself—thinking I could handle everything after a period of recovery following childbirth. I believed that once that initial phase passed, I should be able to stay on top of everything, except when my baby was ill. This unrealistic expectation took a toll on my sense of self-worth, mood, confidence, and ultimately, my relationship with my baby.
Part of my journey to acceptance involved realizing that giving myself permission to let things go meant allowing that to last as long as necessary for me to navigate my days without feeling overwhelmed. With my second child arriving just 20 months after my first, I found myself juggling a high-needs infant alongside a pregnancy, which meant it took nearly three years for me to start reclaiming some of my pre-baby life. The fog of exhaustion has begun to lift, and I’m starting to feel more like my old self again.
I know that not everything can be neglected, and I can assure you that my essential responsibilities were always met. We still lived fulfilling days, but I learned to prioritize rest over chores and outings when I needed it most, which was often.
I don’t feel guilty or lazy about this, despite societal expectations. While some things fell by the wayside, my primary focus remained on my children. Nurturing them, attending to their needs day and night, and taking care of myself—these were my priorities. I’m raising whole human beings, gently shaping their developing minds with love and attention. The household chores can wait; my energy is directed where it truly matters.
If we could truly measure the worth of simply being present for our babies, I believe we would see the immense value in it. Some days may feel unproductive, but being your child’s world is more than enough for one day. Every moment spent holding, comforting, nursing, and nurturing your child holds infinite significance for that little being, for your family, and for the wider community. Time invested in our children is never wasted.
So, grant yourself permission to let those other responsibilities slide until you feel ready to integrate them back into your life without sacrificing your sanity or your baby’s needs. You’ve got this, mama.
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Summary
New motherhood can be overwhelming, especially when faced with a high-needs baby. It’s essential to give yourself permission to let certain responsibilities slide to prioritize rest and care for yourself and your child. Embrace the reality that being present for your baby is of utmost importance, and understand that it’s okay to take time for yourself during this challenging but rewarding phase of life.