A comic by French artist Emma has gained significant attention for its insightful depiction of the “mental load” many women shoulder in their households. Titled “You Should’ve Asked,” this comic resonates with countless women who see their own experiences reflected in its illustrations.
It opens with a relatable scenario of new parents hosting a friend for dinner. While the mother juggles feeding the baby, cooking, and managing various tasks, the father relaxes with the guest. Does this sound familiar?
Often, women hesitate to discuss these dynamics, fearing they might reinforce the stereotype of the inept father. While partners do contribute—cooking, caring for the kids, and completing chores—the reality is that women frequently bear a heavier burden in terms of mental management.
Consider your own home life. When your child had a fever last time, who stayed awake through the night? Who organized the fridge, filled out the insurance paperwork, selected new backpacks, or donated old clothes? Who remembered to buy a new toothbrush? Who attended the PTA meeting? Who keeps track of the dwindling milk supply?
It’s utterly exhausting.
Women carry a never-ending list of tasks in their minds. Often, when they try to delegate tasks to their partners, those partners may only complete the specific item requested, leaving everything else unattended.
These seemingly minor tasks accumulate, creating a daily cycle of busyness without a sense of completion. How many times have you felt like you were rushing around all day, accomplishing little? It’s because managing everything alone is overwhelming. The effort required to ask for help can feel more draining than just handling tasks yourself, leading to a mindset of “I’ll just do it myself.” This cycle inevitably breeds exhaustion and resentment.
And it doesn’t end with new parenthood. The mental load continues to grow at every stage of life and intensifies when returning to work. Women often find themselves as the primary “project managers” of their households, while still shouldering the majority of the work.
Emma points out that “women are still spending 25 times more hours on chores than men.” For meaningful change to occur, it is crucial for men to recognize their home responsibilities.
You can check out the full, brilliant comic “You Should’ve Asked,” which will make you feel as if Emma has delved into your mind and articulated your reality.
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In summary, the comic highlights the overwhelming mental load mothers carry, illustrating the imbalance in household responsibilities and the emotional toll it takes.