“Everything will be okay,” they say, giving you a reassuring pat. “This will pass.”
You nod quietly, avoiding their gaze, because it’s polite to do so. But deep down, you know you’re not okay. You might be in a dark place, feeling like everyone around you would be better off without you. You may even be engaging in self-harm.
Each day is a battle to get out of bed, let alone dress up, go to work, or fulfill the roles expected of you—like being a good friend, a responsible parent, or someone who keeps a tidy home. A casual remark like “you’ll be okay” or “everything will be fine” belittles your pain. It overlooks the reality that mental health issues are as significant as physical ailments, and dismissing them is akin to telling a child with a broken leg to just “walk it off.” Like that child, you can’t simply walk away from your struggles.
People often say, “It’s not that serious.” Husbands tell their wives, friends reassure one another, all while trying to believe that everything will turn out alright. From their stable, non-anxious perspectives, life doesn’t seem as overwhelming. To them, the world is mostly good and happy, and they want you to see it that way too.
But here’s what you hear instead of the reassuring words: Your thoughts and feelings are invalid. This only deepens your sense of worthlessness. The implication is that if you could just think differently, you’d feel better. But the truth is, you can’t simply think your way out of this pain; it’s not that easy.
Mental illness is a genuine medical condition. No one suggests that someone with diabetes just needs to think positively to manage their health. Similarly, when you share your mental health struggles, some people may criticize medications, arguing they alter your personality or question their efficacy. They might suggest simple solutions like “get outside more” or “exercise,” not realizing how daunting even those simple tasks can be when overwhelmed by despair.
We wouldn’t advise someone undergoing chemotherapy to stop taking their medication, so why do we treat psychiatric medication any differently? It can be life-saving.
One phrase that often gets thrown around is, “Everyone has tough days.” This trivializes your experience, reducing it to a fleeting moment of discomfort. People who say this often don’t realize that they aren’t dealing with a debilitating condition that can last for extended periods, leaving you feeling like you want to escape it all or paralyzed by fear.
The phrase “just think positively” might be the most damaging of all. It implies that the solution to your suffering lies solely in your mindset, which is unrealistic. Just as someone with appendicitis can’t will themselves to feel better, neither can someone with depression. While cognitive-behavioral therapy can help, it often works best in conjunction with medication, which some people need to stabilize their condition. Unless someone is a trained therapist guiding you through specific techniques, they should refrain from suggesting you simply “think positively.” Such comments only serve to minimize your struggles and can feel incredibly hurtful.
Ultimately, these dismissive comments negate the very real pain experienced by those with mental illness. While many people mean well, their words often exacerbate the suffering by implying that your pain is trivial, your fault, or that you just need to try harder.
This is not only unfair but cruel. Until we recognize that mental illness deserves the same compassion and treatment as physical illness, this cycle of misunderstanding will continue, even among those who care for us. They may have good intentions, but their delivery often misses the mark, and it’s essential for them to improve.
For more insights on related topics, check out this post on home insemination, where we discuss various aspects of the journey to parenthood.
In summary, understanding and compassion are crucial in addressing mental health issues. We must recognize that mental illness is a valid condition that requires empathy and appropriate treatment.