Recently, I found myself in a disagreement with a relative, which left me feeling irritable for days. I was handling it like a true adult—slamming doors, snapping at family members, and hoarding all the chocolate. My family was understandably keeping their distance, and I couldn’t blame them.
So, I decided to sit down with my eldest child, Ava, and be upfront about my feelings.
Me: “You’ve probably noticed I’ve been a bit grumpy lately.”
Ava: (slow nod, likely worried I might burst into tears again)
Me: “I want you to know that I’m going through something difficult, and it’s affecting my mood. I’m sorry for being short-tempered. It’s not about you.”
Since Ava is my oldest, I shared a brief overview of what was troubling me and reassured her that it wasn’t her fault and that things would improve. We hugged, and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. To my surprise, it seemed to help her too.
Often, we forget that our children can be just as much a source of support for us as we are for them. Ava embodies forgiveness and compassion, qualities I sometimes struggle to muster. When I look at my younger kids, I see joy and innocence that refreshes my spirit. They bring balance to my life, and I rely on them just as they lean on me.
The beauty of family lies in our shared strengths and vulnerabilities. My kids are here to support me, just as I am here to support them. So, why not lean on them when I need emotional encouragement?
Now, before anyone gets concerned, let’s clarify: there’s a significant difference between unloading your adult problems on your children and simply communicating that you’re feeling down, frustrated, or sad. Kids don’t need to know every detail about adult struggles, like financial worries or relationship troubles. Trust me, as a child who experienced anxiety, knowing my parents were having financial issues didn’t help me. But it’s perfectly fine to tell your kids that you’re having a rough day. This allows them to step up, offer support, and maybe even behave a little better while you navigate through it.
My children are incredibly loving. So why wouldn’t I allow them to support me when I’m facing challenges? Imagine having a friend who seems grumpy all the time. If you later learn they’re grieving a loss, your perspective shifts, and you want to offer help. Children can do the same for us if we give them the chance.
Here are some tips for discussing your issues with kids in a healthy manner:
- Avoid Making Them Your Confidant: Children should not bear the burden of adult secrets. Share age-appropriate information that won’t create unnecessary worry.
- Reassure Them: Let your child know you’re managing the situation. If you’re uncertain, be honest about trying to resolve it, reinforcing that it’s not their responsibility.
- Be Supportive: Remind them that you’ll also be there for them during their own struggles. This teaches them that everyone faces challenges and that family is there to support one another.
- Clarify It’s Not Their Fault: It’s essential they understand that your frustrations aren’t a reflection of their behavior. Kids shouldn’t carry the weight of adult problems.
My kids are empathetic and caring. By sharing a little about my struggles, we create a bond that fosters mutual support. After all, that’s what families are for.
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In summary, sharing appropriate aspects of our struggles with children can foster understanding and support within the family. It allows them to see that it’s okay to have tough days and reassures them that they are not the cause of our stress.