I recently ended a significant friendship that deeply affected me. Navigating the end of a friendship is challenging, especially when it involves someone you connected with during motherhood and whose family intertwined with yours.
This experience shook me to my core because I entrusted her with my most cherished assets — my children. She was the first genuine friend I made after becoming a mom, and we shared intimate experiences that created a unique bond as we navigated the complexities of raising our kids together.
Reflecting on the end of our friendship, I realized that I might have been a little too easygoing when it came to choosing friends after becoming a mother. The feeling of isolation in motherhood drove me to connect with anyone I felt a bond with, without critically assessing whether they were the right fit for my life — and more importantly, for my children’s lives.
I find it somewhat embarrassing to acknowledge that I believed the connection of motherhood alone could sustain a friendship, but there are many other factors to consider. I need more than just a shared experience of being moms, sipping wine, and having kids in the same preschool. I deserve deeper connections.
Are you honest?
This is crucial for me. I cannot tolerate dishonesty in any form. If you choose to share parts of your life with me, let them be genuine. I want to know the real you, not a version crafted to gain my approval. I’m a truth-teller myself, and I detest being misled.
This expectation also extends to being upfront about any issues or feelings you might have. At 37, I don’t have time to decipher unspoken grievances. Please communicate directly — I can handle it. I deserve the opportunity to address misunderstandings and be accountable for my actions.
Will you hold me accountable and be open to accountability?
We all have our flaws, and sometimes we need a push to get back on track. True friendship means being there for one another through life’s challenges, whether it’s loss, divorce, or mental health struggles. I need to know that we can rely on each other to keep our perspectives clear.
Are you authentic?
I’m straightforward, and I expect the same in return. You’ll likely hear my secrets soon into our friendship because I want to see if you can handle my genuine self. I share extensively about my life, both the good and the challenging. If you prefer superficial connections, then we might not be a match.
Do we share similar parenting philosophies?
While I emphasize that I am more than just a mom, motherhood is currently my main focus, and I need to know if our values align. Do we both prioritize kindness in our children, or do you make excuses for their unacceptable behavior? This is non-negotiable for me; I cannot associate with those who ignore their children’s wrongdoing.
Are you a compassionate person?
Do you exhibit kindness to others, or do you let selfishness take over? I consider myself a humanitarian and will always help those in need. If that’s a burden to you, our friendship may not thrive.
Do you uplift other women?
If your conversations revolve around tearing others down, I’m not the right friend for you. I want to engage in light-hearted discussions, not gossip that harms others. My children are always watching, and I’m working hard to raise empathetic individuals. We don’t tolerate negative language in our home.
Can you be direct?
If you’re too busy for plans, just say so. I appreciate honesty and don’t wish to decipher hidden messages. Life is too short for misunderstandings. I have my own responsibilities, so if you can’t meet up, I’ll understand completely.
If this seems like too much, I get it. I just want to eliminate any ambiguity in our friendship. If you resonate with all of the above, you’ll find a loyal friend in me for life.
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Summary
This article covers the importance of honesty, accountability, authenticity, and shared values in friendships, especially among mothers. It emphasizes the need for deeper connections beyond shared experiences and the role of kindness and direct communication in fostering meaningful relationships.