Recently, I stumbled upon a thread discussing “minimalist parenting.” I anticipated a focus on instilling gratitude in our children or combating the overwhelming consumer culture that surrounds them even before birth. There were certainly many practical tips, such as rotating toys, opting for second-hand clothing, or suggesting that relatives contribute to experience funds instead of gifting more plastic toys.
However, I began to notice an unsettling tone of smugness when someone asked, “What baby items are truly unnecessary?”
- A diaper genie. True, those refills can be pricey, and a regular trash can works just fine.
- A changing table. Absolutely! Diapers can be changed on the floor, a bed, or even the backseat of a car.
- New clothes. For sure. Babies grow at lightning speed and are prone to messes, so saving money on apparel is wise.
- A crib. We co-sleep because we adore our child. Okay, we love our child too, but this arrangement didn’t suit us. Our son slept better alone in his room after six weeks, but to each their own.
- You definitely don’t need a stroller. We just carried her everywhere. Yikes! That would wreak havoc on my back. Plus, our independent child never really enjoyed being carried around.
- Playpens, swings, Bumbo seats? You don’t need those! The parenting-industrial complex just wants you to think that. Hold your child all day to foster secure attachment. So, when do I get to shower or eat?
- Skip commercial baby food. Grow your own plants and blend them for your child. Or, what real parents do—feed your 8-month-old beef jerky like we did! I once attempted to make baby food, but my kid preferred Gerber. Not worth the battle.
- Boobs! That’s all you need! That’s simply not accurate.
- Diapers? Even cloth diapers use too many resources. Just use corn husks and teach elimination communication from day one. (Okay, that last one was an exaggeration.)
In this left-leaning parenting group aimed at supporting those pushing back against judgment from fundamentalist beliefs, there was an alarming amount of judgment happening. I realize that insularity may occur in any group united by shared beliefs, but when did minimalism and anti-consumerism transform into status symbols? Isn’t that missing the real point?
Here’s the reality:
If you need to use a swing to help your baby sleep so you can shower or regain your sanity, that’s perfectly fine. If breastfeeding isn’t for you or you’re tired of pumping and choose formula, that’s okay too. If you need to teach your baby to self-soothe so you can stop waking up seven times a night and regain your sanity, that’s absolutely fine.
If you need to buy your child a plastic toy to prevent a meltdown at the store, go for it. If you have a gift card from a big box store to buy larger clothes and prefer the convenience of online shopping, that’s all good.
Sure, there are unnecessary items marketed to parents, and I do my best to buy used and consume less. But can we stop acting as though parenting must be painfully inconvenient to be “authentic” or “noble”? Using a stroller doesn’t brand you as a mindless capitalist. Commercial baby food isn’t toxic. While breast milk is great, it shouldn’t come at the cost of a mother’s mental health.
Before becoming a parent last year, I reminded myself that no parenting principle was worth making my family miserable. I mostly followed that advice, but I was stubborn about breastfeeding and introducing solids. These became sources of stress for my husband and me. When it came to cloth diapers, we relaxed about it, knowing that a disposable at night would save us from waking up to wet clothes and a fussy baby.
Disposable diapers and many items we use are indeed luxuries. But what your baby truly doesn’t need is for you to agonize over the choices you make in raising them. So whether you decide to get a bottle warmer or skip it, it’s all okay!
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Summary:
Minimalist parenting can lead to unnecessary pressure and judgment. While striving for simplicity is commendable, it shouldn’t come at the expense of a family’s well-being. Practical choices, whether they involve using certain products or methods, should be respected. Regardless of your approach, the most important thing is to find what works for you and your child.