My teenage daughter, Mia, had been feeling anxious about her upcoming orchestra concert for weeks. Despite her love for playing the violin and participating in the orchestra, this particular event seemed to overwhelm her. It wasn’t the performance itself that caused her distress, but a story she had heard years ago about a child who got sick during a concert—it had stuck with her like a haunting memory.
Mia suffers from emetophobia, an intense fear of vomiting. While most people dislike the idea of throwing up, for someone with emetophobia, it triggers a severe, almost PTSD-like response. The anxiety can be relentless, as the thought of someone potentially being sick or food carrying a bug looms over her constantly. This condition is often mistaken for generalized anxiety or panic disorder because the symptoms can appear similar, but the root cause is a profound fear of vomiting.
A seemingly trivial story about a child being sick during a concert was enough to plunge Mia into a cycle of crippling anxiety. Even normal pre-performance jitters would send her stomach into a tailspin, which her mind interpreted as nausea. This perceived nausea would heighten her anxiety, creating a vicious cycle that felt impossible to escape.
We anticipated that the concert would be challenging for her, so we practiced relaxation techniques and mindfulness strategies we had reviewed many times before. Mia made it through the dress rehearsal and the first half of the concert. However, during intermission, panic hit her like a wave. There was nothing we could do to coax her back onto the stage. I found myself in the lobby with her as she grappled with her racing thoughts and overwhelming feelings. We’ve learned that sometimes all we can do is wait it out.
This is the hardest part of parenting a child with anxiety—the sense of helplessness when your child is in distress, and you feel powerless to alleviate it. As a parent, I want to be the solution to her problems, to be the one who wipes away her tears and makes everything better. But this is beyond my control. I can support her, encourage her, and remind her of the coping strategies she has learned, but I cannot erase the irrational fears when they strike.
Anxiety is a tricky adversary. My instinct is to use logic to counteract it, yet trying to reason with anxiety is like tossing paper airplanes into a windstorm—nothing seems to get through. In moments of desperation, I sometimes resort to offering incentives, thinking that overcoming anxiety is simply a matter of motivation. But I quickly realize this approach is unfair and unhelpful.
While it’s undeniably harder for Mia, it’s also incredibly frustrating for me as her parent. A friend who also faces anxiety issues expressed how challenging it is to parent an anxious child, and it was comforting to know I wasn’t alone in this struggle.
As a parent, you want to help and fix things, yet sometimes it feels like you’re failing. When your child looks to you for guidance, you want to provide them with the tools they need, but there are moments when it simply isn’t enough. That sense of helplessness can feel akin to sheer terror. I try to remain strong for Mia, to shield her from my own worries because I never want her to feel that her anxiety is a burden to us. During the concert, I fought back tears as I watched her hard work and determination be overshadowed by her anxiety.
I reassured her that I wasn’t upset with her, only frustrated that she has to face such challenges. I reminded her of how proud I was that she even made it to the concert, that her efforts were commendable, and that setbacks are a natural part of the journey toward healing. I told her not to lose hope, as therapy often involves ups and downs.
Then, I retreated to the bathroom to cry.
Navigating life as a parent of a child with anxiety—or any mental health condition—is undoubtedly tough. It requires a significant amount of time and energy, and while I can manage that, the feeling of helplessness is what truly weighs on my heart. I hope Mia always knows that her family is there to support her through thick and thin, and perhaps, in those moments, that support is the most valuable assistance we can provide.
For more insights on parenting and mental health challenges, check out this blog post on home insemination. Also, if you’re considering starting a family, Make a Mom offers great resources on at-home insemination kits. And for more information on pregnancy-related topics, News Medical provides excellent resources.
Summary
Parenting a child with anxiety can be a deeply frustrating and helpless experience. One mother recounts her struggle as she supports her daughter, who battles emetophobia, during a challenging orchestra concert. While they prepare and practice coping strategies, the reality of anxiety can still overwhelm. Ultimately, the mother emphasizes the importance of being there for her child and providing support, even when she feels powerless to ease the anxiety.