When did you first feel judged for your clothing choices? Was it as a young girl when someone told you to “cover up”? Did someone remark on how “short” your shorts were while you were in school? Or perhaps it was during your teenage years when the length of your skirt drew a comment about looking like you were “asking for it”?
If you’re a woman, chances are you have faced some form of this type of judgment, which can leave lasting impacts. This is why one mother from Portland, named Laura Thompson, stands firmly against imposing modesty rules on her daughters. Laura, who blogs about family life with her partner, Mike, on their site, Family Horizons, recently shared her compelling perspective that has resonated widely online.
“Modesty is a subjective concept,” Laura argues, emphasizing that it often revolves around controlling individuals rather than respecting their autonomy. She asserts that true modesty is more about attitude than attire. This viewpoint has sparked significant discussions, and rightfully so.
Laura points out that the definition of “modest” varies vastly across different cultures and societies, not to mention that what’s deemed modest can shift with time. She illustrated this with a personal example: “What I consider modest may be perceived differently by others. The dress I wore for a family event might have been unacceptable in someone else’s eyes because of the neckline.”
In today’s world, many parents are focused on nurturing a sense of body positivity in their children, teaching them to appreciate their bodies for what they can do rather than how they appear. Laura encourages her daughters to express themselves through their clothing while also considering practical factors, asking them to reflect on questions such as whether their outfit is suitable for the weather and if it aligns with the social norms of the setting they are in.
She also shares a deeply personal experience, revealing how the shame associated with clothing choices can be damaging. “When I was a teenager, I experienced sexual assault. I felt ashamed to speak out because I blamed myself for wearing something fitted. I thought if I had chosen differently, it wouldn’t have happened. But the truth is, it happened regardless of what I was wearing.”
Laura’s message is clear: imposing strict modesty standards can undermine a young girl’s confidence and perpetuate harmful beliefs about responsibility for one’s own victimization. She emphasizes that a perpetrator’s actions are not dictated by clothing; rather, they reflect a deeper issue.
She firmly believes in honoring her daughters’ autonomy, stating, “We will not diminish their individuality based on their clothing choices; it’s about who they are as people.”
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In summary, Laura Thompson’s perspective on modesty challenges outdated notions and encourages a more empowering approach to how we discuss clothing choices with girls. It’s about fostering confidence and allowing young women to express themselves authentically.