I’m really not a fan of birth story discussions. Whenever these conversations come up, they tend to get quite strange.
“My contractions were unbearable, but thank goodness for the meds. The pushing was intense, but then—whoosh!—out came the baby. That’s about it.”
And honestly, that’s how I feel about it. Giving birth was a medical event that concluded with a tiny human emerging from my body.
The baby has arrived! Hooray!
And then… I moved on.
Don’t get me wrong; I recognize that childbirth is a significant event. It brought me my two amazing kids, so I’m definitely a supporter of the process. Before giving birth, I wasn’t a mother. After, I was. So yes, birth is wonderful! Yay for birth!
But for me, the entire experience was more of a means to an end. Sure, it was an incredible physical accomplishment, and yes, I’m thankful that mine went smoothly. But honestly, I didn’t dwell on it much.
That changed a few weeks into motherhood when I finally emerged from my nest, eager to connect with other moms. Clueless me jumped into every parenting group, church event, and random gathering at the park in search of adult conversation. To my utter shock, despite the endless topics we could explore, the conversation always veered towards—surprise!—birth stories. Every. Single. Time!
I mean, wow, ladies. We’ve just met, and we’re already diving into perineal stitches?
Please, no.
Clearly, childbirth is a bonding topic among women. Unfortunately for me, when the Motherhood Fairy sprinkled “care about” dust on the birth-story enthusiasts, I must have been skipped.
Because every time I find myself in a group of parents, this subject comes up, and a little part of my soul dies.
Isn’t it tough enough to leave the house when you’re tethered to tiny humans 24/7? With all their wants and needs and constant diaper changes, I just want to chat about something adult-like.
Like, hey, did you catch the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy? Or have you been to that new eyebrow threading spot? YOU ALL LOVE COFFEE, RIGHT?!
But no, here we go again with the birth stories.
Which is great, considering we have known each other for a whopping 10 minutes while our kids play in the sandbox. Maybe we should hold off on discussing how overrated epidurals are until at least our third playdate? Call me old-fashioned.
Moms, I don’t mind your excitement over this exchange. It’s just… I don’t get out much, okay? I adore my kids just like any other mama bear, but I’m still recovering from the last one I brought into the world, and I could really use some adult conversation. So can we please talk about something—anything—other than birth stories?
Correction: Anything besides babies would be fantastic.
No milestones. No poop or pee talk. No recounting how many hours we’re not sleeping. (Okay, that one’s somewhat amusing. Let’s keep that). Heck, I’d even discuss politics at this point.
2016, AMIRIGHT?
But let’s just agree that since we’re all here in our comfy clothes and messy buns, chugging coffee, it’s clear we are all mothers. We’ve made it to this playground with children of various sizes. Children who, in one way or another, entered this world through a human body. Cool? We get that.
Let’s skip the details of that journey and appreciate that our kids are magical—but wow, we are exhausted, and there are so many other things we could be talking about right now.
Like, have you heard that Target will start serving wine soon? Just saying…
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In summary, let’s focus on adult topics and leave the birth stories behind. We’re all in this together, and there are countless other fun subjects we can explore instead.