Like many kids who hear their parents are divorcing, I was understandably upset. I was just 5 years old, and all I could see was the chaos that this change brought into my life. Change was not something I embraced easily. However, as time went by, I grew to realize that my parents were much happier apart, and for them, divorce was a beneficial choice.
Let’s raise a glass to divorce! Thank you, divorce!
Shortly after their separation, I discovered something that made me grateful for that life-altering decision, all thanks to my trusty friend, divorce.
Two Christmases!
If my parents had opened with that fact when they broke the news, I would have taken the news in stride.
Any sensible 5-year-old will tell you that having two Christmases is simply fantastic, along with two birthdays, two Easters, and any other celebrations that require double the fun. The thrill of two Christmases, especially when both parents are trying to win your affection with gifts, was nothing short of amazing. If you think I was spoiled, I’ll own it—I was 5 years old and yes, I was spoiled. I doubt you were an angel at that age either!
However, as I grew up, the novelty of double celebrations faded. Toys lost their charm, and I became a bit less insufferable as the years passed. The excitement of two Christmases has long since worn off, especially now that I have my own kids.
The Logistical Nightmare
Dealing with two sets of grandparents during holidays and special occasions has become a logistical nightmare. My husband, Jake, and I also have to consider his parents in the mix—so now it’s my dad, my mom, Jacob’s dad, and his mom. After our firstborn’s inaugural year, we decided to alternate holidays between our families. That year taught us that hauling our newborn all over town for family gatherings was exhausting, and we quickly changed our approach.
Now that my kids are 2 and 4 years old, the challenges have only multiplied. At family events where both my parents are present, I find myself dividing my time carefully, mindful of the unspoken competition. They probably aren’t keeping score, but the pressure I feel to balance their attention makes me acutely aware of every moment. Thankfully, my children are mostly happy at these events since they get to enjoy double dessert, so they can share a slice of cake with both Grandma and Grandpa.
Complications from Distance
My dad lives out of state, which complicates matters even more. While my mom gets more quality time with the kids, fostering a deeper bond, they frequently ask to video chat or call her. She often invites them for sleepovers or visits us. When my dad comes to town, I prioritize his time, especially during special events like my daughter’s recent 2nd birthday. I make sure to plan around his visits so that my mom doesn’t feel left out. I limit social media posts to ensure she’s not blindsided by our little celebration. Keeping gatherings small becomes crucial to avoid any feelings of exclusion.
Rather than throwing a big party, we often find ourselves hosting multiple smaller ones over weeks. Everyone feels included, and the grandparents don’t feel like they’re on different tiers. It’s exhausting, but it mostly works out! My kids certainly benefit from the extra celebrations—two birthdays, am I right?!
Considering Simplicity
Sometimes, I consider keeping festivities small and just inviting my husband and kids to sidestep any awkwardness. The discomfort I feel from having both parents in the same room is often enough to push me toward planning separate events. It’s worth noting that the weirdness is mostly mine; my parents have adjusted well to this new dynamic, but I still find it strange when they’re together after all these years.
At times, the effort of managing dual celebrations makes me want to throw my hands up and declare, “Forget it! We’ll just stay in our own bubble!” It’s tempting to simplify things, even if it means foregoing some fun.
Despite my attempts to prevent either parent from feeling alienated, I often end up excluding both. They miss out, my kids miss out, and I miss out. You’d think once you’re an adult, divorce wouldn’t continue to complicate your life, but it feels even more intricate now than it did in childhood. At least my therapist can rest easy knowing she’ll always have work to do with me!
Resources for Further Insights
For more insights on navigating life with divorced parents or to explore topics like pregnancy and home insemination, check out this helpful resource about artificial insemination. You may also want to learn about home insemination kits for further information.
Conclusion
In summary, having divorced parents can seem simple during childhood but becomes increasingly complicated with adulthood and parenting. Navigating celebrations and family dynamics requires effort, and while the benefits of two sets of grandparents can be appealing, the emotional labor often feels overwhelming.