“Listen to the small things your children share when they’re young, and they’ll share the significant stuff when they’re older.” This simple yet profound advice stands out as some of the best parenting wisdom I’ve ever encountered. Embracing this advice when my kids were little has proven invaluable as they’ve grown older.
As parents, we often express frustration over our children’s listening skills, yet how frequently do we truly listen to them? I am just as guilty of occasionally zoning out, but over time, I’ve realized the importance of modeling attentive listening for my kids.
One of our primary roles as parents is to nurture effective communication. This involves not just expressing our thoughts but also actively listening, posing questions for clarity, and thoughtfully considering their responses. If we neglect these aspects in our interactions with our children, we risk undermining an essential part of communication, which can have lasting consequences. While I know I’ve fallen short in some areas of motherhood, I believe I’ve excelled here.
My teenage and pre-teen daughters frequently approach me to discuss various topics, and while it sometimes feels overwhelming, those late-night conversations have become some of my most cherished moments as a parent—even when I desperately want to sleep. I attribute their willingness to open up to the fact that I’ve always made an effort to give them my undivided attention, whether they were sharing an idea, navigating a feeling, or bombarding me with questions.
Listening can be challenging, especially when a child is recounting a story or sharing something that may not pique your interest. Repeating this process over the years can feel monotonous, yet I’ve made it a priority to engage actively. I’ve aimed to provide my children with a model of what it means to listen attentively, even if I have to feign enthusiasm at times.
Now that my kids are older, I genuinely want to hear about the important things in their lives, and my efforts have yielded positive results. They know they can speak freely with me about personal or uncomfortable topics, trusting that I will respond thoughtfully and calmly. They understand that my love is unconditional and that they can always rely on me for honest answers to their questions.
Moreover, they have learned to listen as part of this communication dynamic, albeit imperfectly—after all, nobody can do it perfectly all the time. However, I see those listening skills blossoming in my older children, which fills me with pride. It also gives me hope for my younger child, who is still developing these communication skills.
If we want our children to engage with us, we must recognize that communication is a two-way street. If we don’t allow them to express themselves at each developmental stage and if we don’t listen to what they have to say—even when it’s tedious or annoying—they may assume that the communication lines are closed and seek out others for conversation. They might even think we simply aren’t interested in their thoughts.
“To foster open communication, remember this: If you want your kids to share the significant details when they’re older, pay attention to the little things when they’re younger.” To children, everything is significant. By listening as if we understand this, they will be more inclined to share what we deem important.
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In summary, fostering effective communication with our children is crucial for building trust and openness. By being attentive and engaged, we set the stage for meaningful conversations that will last a lifetime.