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I Don’t Believe You’re Prepared for This Confidence (And IDGAF)
I don’t think you’re ready for these curves. Or these unapologetic assets. Or these faded, silvery stretch marks. Or these strong legs. Or the undeniable whiteness of my backside. Nope, I don’t think you’re ready for this confidence. And honestly, I don’t care.
This year, my “woman’s size” tankini fits me like a glove. It’s vibrant red, solidly constructed with reinforced panels and an ample built-in bra. The straps are soft and comfy, perfect for what I want to do—swim, build sandcastles, sip margaritas, run, play, kiss my partner on our large beach towel during the day, and maybe even twerk if a great song comes on.
And guess what? I didn’t buy the $75 sheer fabric cover-up or the skirt option. Nope! This year, I’m letting my fabulous backside soak up some sun, finally getting a bit of color.
Vive la résistance!
Honestly, I hope my body doesn’t offend anyone.
In the past, beach season used to be a source of anxiety for me. Each year, the quest for the perfect swimsuit kicked off in early March, accompanied by a complicated diet that had me juggling more than I could handle. To enjoy a “good summer,” I felt the pressure to lose at least 45 pounds by June, and I always opted for a flattering, comfortable black suit. In reality, I often ended up with something that looked more like a chic club dress than a swimsuit, designed to highlight my best features while concealing the ones I deemed less desirable. It had to perform miracles.
How could I possibly enjoy summer without shedding pounds and finding the “ideal” swimsuit? How could I joyfully engage with my kids or leap up from my towel to dash into the water if I felt every jiggle? Imagining my body on display at the beach was a nightmare.
I also worried about how my partner perceived me. Would I be just another mom slumped in a beach chair with a book and a sunhat in my oversized cover-up? Another mom whose kids begged for fun but only got excuses in return? How many reasons would I need to prepare to avoid active play?
Fast forward to today—I’m healthier and have shed a few pounds, but I still jiggle, and there are stubborn areas that refuse to budge. Yet, I refuse to hide behind others in photos or allow a silly swimsuit to keep me from enjoying life. Life is too short for that nonsense, and I’ve already wasted enough time.
This summer, it’s not about a new suit; it’s about a new mindset. And it feels liberating.
Here’s some advice—take it or leave it. If it resonates, great; if not, imagine me giving you a fist bump for your own girl-power wisdom. I spent too many years worrying about how my body looked to others and even to myself. I carried around the belief that my body was somehow offensive and needed to be concealed. This negativity stole precious moments from my children’s lives and distorted my mental well-being.
I was often resentful and dissatisfied with my body, especially at the beach. I missed out on countless bonding moments with my kids, preferring to watch from the sidelines as my partner engaged with them, creating joyful memories. They remember their father playing in the water, but me? They recall me sitting and watching. I didn’t crouch down to build sandcastles or chase them into the surf.
And that’s just plain sad.
My feelings about swimsuits sent a powerful message to my children, especially my daughter. By hiding and making excuses due to my body image concerns, I taught her that a woman’s happiness hinges on her appearance. If she doesn’t fit a certain mold, she becomes a spectator in life. I own that message, and I regret it.
So, young mothers, don’t wait until your 40s to realize that while you may feel a bit uncomfortable and “exposed” in your swimsuit, it means nothing to your kids. At 48, my body in a swimsuit has no bearing on their joy or anyone else’s. It never has, and I doubt it ever will.