Picture this: It’s 1989, and you’re a 14-year-old with a love for books and a style that screams “awkward.” Your hair is a frizzy, permed mess because you believed brushing it daily was the way to go. You’ve got braces and a contraption that looks like it came straight out of a medieval dungeon. You’re starting at a new high school, completely alone.
That was me.
Usually, stories like this end with the protagonist blossoming into a beautiful swan, landing a date with the most popular guy or transforming into a teen movie icon like Molly Ringwald. However, I had (and still have) a rather lengthy journey through the realm of awkwardness. While I managed to shed the perm and the braces, I remained deeply into my books—okay, let’s be honest, super nerdy. Although dates eventually came my way, I was far from the girl who had boys vying for her attention.
And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. In fact, I wouldn’t change a thing.
While other freshman girls, armed with perfect bangs, were swept off their feet by senior boys, I was busy forming genuine friendships. While the popular crowd was bombarded with invitations to parties and pressured into experimenting with substances, I had the luxury of time to grow up and find my footing before those temptations even crossed my path. I spent quality time with my family, devoured books, engaged in sports, and focused on my studies. I experienced happiness and the freedom to be myself, far removed from the clutches of societal pressure.
As I now have my own children approaching their tween and teenage years, I find myself hoping they too will experience some of that delightful awkwardness. I want them to have a cushion of time to explore quirky interests and share silly jokes with their friends, rather than diving headfirst into the daunting world of adult expectations, peer pressure, and risky behavior.
I vividly recall a friend who felt immense pressure to drink in eighth grade. She expressed that sometimes, she wished her parents had enforced stricter rules. Unlike my experience, where only the jocks were drinking, she was surrounded by peers who pushed her into the popular crowd. Without my comfort zone of being “uncool,” and with no solid boundaries set by her parents, she succumbed to the pressure.
Now, I can’t guarantee my kids will navigate their teenage years with the same level of awkwardness I did. So, how can I guide them? I turned to Lisa Damour’s insightful book, Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood. While it primarily focuses on girls, much of its wisdom applies to boys as well.
Damour suggests striking a balance when addressing peer pressure. If we resort to extreme punishments, our kids might avoid asking for help when they find themselves in trouble. On the flip side, trying to be their friend and partying with them isn’t the answer either. Instead, she emphasizes that the safest girls can often point to their parents’ “crazy rules” as a shield against risky behaviors. When friends are around, it’s okay to be friendly, but parents should maintain their roles as the “boring” adults. This way, teens can deflect peer pressure by saying things like, “My mom can smell trouble from a mile away, and she will totally freak out if she finds out!”
In essence, we parents should embrace being uncool. Believe it or not, my years of awkwardness have prepared me for this crucial phase of parenthood! Bring on the teenage years, and I’ll bring the nerdiness!
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Summary
Embracing an awkward teenage phase can provide children with the time they need to grow and develop before facing the pressures of adulthood. By fostering an environment that encourages individuality and setting appropriate boundaries, parents can help navigate their kids through these formative years.