The moment my former partner revealed that our relationship wasn’t as I had imagined—along with his admission of extracurricular activities that definitely didn’t involve dodgeball or pottery—I reacted in shock. My initial response was to yell. Then, I put on a brave face and pretended everything was perfectly fine. Finally, I made the wise choice to consult a lawyer and faced reality.
As time passed, I reflected on my past relationships, realizing each one was a vital lesson that eventually led to my breakup.
Stage One: The Fairy Tale Prince Phase
Growing up, I learned from classic Disney tales featuring characters like Ariel, Belle, and Cinderella. According to my childhood understanding, if I portrayed the ideal woman—innocent, willing to sacrifice my voice, and able to talk to animals—I would surely attract a prince. In my imaginative play, there was always a swooning heroine and a gallant hero ready to rescue me, making true love seem easily attainable if I played my role just right.
Stage Two: The Anne of Green Gables Phase
As I matured, I turned to the pages of Anne of Green Gables and other teen magazines like The Baby-Sitters Club and Seventeen. I was the epitome of a perfect student, eager to fit the mold by being quirky but not too strange, laughing at all the jokes (even the bad ones), and trying to decode letters from my summer camp crush. I crafted scenarios that followed the guidelines laid out in those manuals, yet no one taught me how to determine if they were the right fit for me.
Stage Three: The Mr. Big Phase
Eventually, my influences shifted to shows like Buffy and Sex and the City, where the rules suggested that if I could be fun, stylish without effort, and slim, I would attract a captivating love interest. However, reality struck when I saw Carrie cheat on Aidan with Mr. Big, and I realized that “too nice” became a valid reason for rejection. I began to abandon the charming princes of my youth in favor of the alluring, brooding figures who seemed to need my help. It felt good to be needed, didn’t it?
Stage Four: The ‘Bad Boy’ Phase
Finally, my biggest Mr. Big—the most tumultuous love of all—agreed to consider “forever” with me. We all know how that story usually ends. What I came to understand was that these troubled men were exactly who they presented themselves to be. They weren’t layers to peel back; they were simply uninterested. They cherished my loyalty, my willingness to do their laundry, and my financial support.
Sadly, the lessons from these experiences haven’t changed much over the years. As the mother of young boys, I often wonder what advice to give them: Should they aspire to be the Prince or the Mr. Big? Who should their role models be? I certainly don’t want them to think that true love means sacrificing one’s voice for superficial gain.
As I approach my late 30s, I don’t claim to have all the answers on love. What I do know is that kindness, bravery, supportiveness, intelligence, and humor have become the most attractive traits for me. I hope to instill these qualities in my sons, guiding them away from the allure of dark and brooding personalities and toward a life filled with warmth and brightness.
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Summary
In navigating the complexities of love, the journey evolves through various stages—from fairy tales to reality checks. Each relationship teaches valuable lessons about self-worth, the importance of kindness, and the value of supportive partnerships. As a mother, it’s crucial to guide the next generation toward healthier ideals in love, steering away from dark and brooding archetypes.