It was a chilly morning on January 2, 1993, when my world shifted with a phone call from the boy I was head over heels for. At 8 AM, I could only wonder: Did he wake up thinking of me? Was he eager to profess his love once more?
“Hey, I think we need to take a break for a bit,” he said. Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. As silence enveloped us, my mind struggled to grasp the reality of our breakup. I fumbled through the conversation, hung up, and immediately plunged into my diary, writing down those heart-wrenching words.
Then the tears came. I cried so hard that I couldn’t eat all day, and dinner made an untimely return. I was just 14, experiencing my first love and heartbreak, and it felt like the end of the world.
That winter, I found solace in my room, pouring my feelings into phone calls with friends, scribbling in my diary, and listening to music. It turned out that music was my lifeline. It connected me to other women who were navigating the stormy seas of heartache. The lyrics inspired my journaling and eventually sparked my early attempts at poetry (which, at the time, was nothing short of awful, but looking back, it was the start of my writing journey).
The Artists Who Helped Me Heal
The early ’90s boasted a plethora of talented female singer-songwriters, but four artists in particular captured my heart: Tori, Sarah, Sophie, and Sinéad (yes, we were on a first-name basis). The moment I hear their voices, I’m transported back to that time, the scent of Nag Champa incense wafting through the air, and my trusty purple scrunchie on my wrist as I poured my soul onto the pages of my diary.
First up was Tori Amos. Many of us were immersed in her album Little Earthquakes as we navigated the tumult of love and loss. Each song hit like a dagger to the heart, but none quite like “Tear In Your Hand.” The perfect mix of anger, sarcasm, vulnerability, and desire had me reeling. That line, “I don’t believe you’re leaving / ‘Cause me and Charles Manson like the same ice cream” still gives me chills.
Next came Sarah McLachlan. Back in the early ’90s, she wasn’t a household name yet, but I discovered her album Solace while browsing a record store (remember those?). Her hauntingly beautiful voice and poignant lyrics resonated with me deeply. I would listen to it on repeat, curled up and crying, feeling every note in my bones.
Then there was Sophie B. Hawkins. Her hit “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover” felt like it was penned just for me. The mix of longing and playful innuendo made it a dance favorite (in the privacy of my room, of course). That climactic moment when she sings, “and I returned as chained and bound to you” still hits me right in the gut.
Finally, we have Sinéad O’Connor. Such a unique and complex artist. “Nothing Compares 2 U” is the quintessential breakup anthem. With her shaved head and raw emotion, Sinéad captured the feeling of heartbreak like no other. After hearing that song, I was inspired to write my own version (which I hope never sees the light of day).
These powerful songs truly saved me. Those teenage feelings of love and loss can be overwhelming and isolating. I felt too embarrassed to share my pain with friends or family, but through these artists, I found a way to grieve, feel, and express my emotions.
A Journey of Growth
While I hoped for a fairy-tale ending, I didn’t expect to win him back. In the songs, there were no happy reconciliations. But by the next fall, he was back in my life, realizing that what we had was special, albeit intense for two 14-year-olds. A year later, we were both 15, and I felt so much more grown up!
Looking back, I’m grateful for that heartache. It pushed me to confront feelings I needed to explore and helped me discover a community of incredible women artists. That breakup was a rite of passage, and that boy and I never parted ways again. This fall marks 22 years since we reunited, and next month, we’ll celebrate 14 wonderful years of marriage.
For those navigating similar journeys, you might find helpful resources on fertility and family planning at sites like March of Dimes, and if you’re interested in home insemination, check out Make A Mom for more information. You can also explore Intracervical Insemination for insights.
In summary, music played a pivotal role in my healing during my first breakup in high school. Artists like Tori, Sarah, Sophie, and Sinéad provided the soundtrack to my emotional journey, helping me find my voice and navigate the complexities of young love.