Growing up in the ’80s was a total blast. I reveled in big hair, made countless mixtapes, and had a serious crush on Joey from the New Kids on the Block. I imagined adulthood as a dazzling, futuristic experience that would definitely require sunglasses. Fast forward to today, and while my Ray-Bans are back in vogue, they seem unimpressed with my reality. Sure, being an adult has its perks, but my adult life pales in comparison to the vibrant dreams I had as a kid. Here are nine reasons why that is:
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My Car Stays on the Ground
I learned to drive on a 1985 stick-shift Jetta, which my parents insisted was “cool.” But as I struggled to get up a hill with a honking line of cars behind me, “cool” was the last thing on my mind. I envisioned soaring through the skies in a Jetsons-style flying car, not stuck in traffic in my ordinary Honda minivan. -
Where’s My Robot?
As a child, I was certain that by now, every home would have a robot maid. I daydreamed about a mechanical helper that would clean my house and prepare breakfast with laser precision. Instead, I have a Roomba that doesn’t quite cut it in the “fun” department. -
Muscle Tone Expectations
In my teenage years, I didn’t give a thought to fitness. I wore oversized blazers with shoulder pads and played sports without a care. Now, in my 40s, I feel pressured to fit into skinny jeans and tank tops. Wouldn’t it be nice to hide my postpartum belly under a comfy oversized sweater? Thanks, modern standards! -
No Otherworldly Companions
Growing up, I imagined having quirky friends like Mork or Alf. I thought for sure I’d be hanging out with an alien buddy who would make life more entertaining. Instead, I’m left without any fun extraterrestrial companions to spice things up. -
Never Made It to the Moon
I firmly believed that by now, I’d be able to celebrate my 40th birthday on the moon. Alas, it turns out lunar reservations are a bit more complicated than I thought! What happened to all the excitement about space travel? -
Snack Knowledge Overload
Wouldn’t it be great to forget what we know about food? I often find myself longing for the tasty Little Debbie treats that were a breakfast staple in the ’80s. Instead, I’m stuck eating kale and chickpeas. Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss! -
Workouts Are Actually Tough
My mom was an aerobics instructor, and I couldn’t wait to be like her. Now, staying fit requires a hefty investment in overpriced workout gear and grueling routines. Gone are the days of dancing to “Sweatin’ to the Oldies.” It’s all about intense workouts followed by green juices that taste like grass. -
Hair Has Become Dull
In the ’80s, hairstyles changed daily. Now, I can’t even remember the last time I switched up my look. A few years ago, I cut bangs, and that was a milestone moment for me. It’s hard to feel fabulous when my hair is as predictable as my morning coffee. -
Roasting a Turkey Still Takes Forever
I remember the wonder when my parents got our first microwave. I just knew that cooking would be a breeze by the 2000s. Yet, here I am, still roasting turkeys the old-fashioned way. At least my slow cooker feels like a modern marvel!
In conclusion, while adulthood certainly has its perks, it hasn’t quite lived up to the futuristic dreams I had as a child. For those navigating their own journeys, seeking guidance on topics like home insemination can be beneficial. Check out Make A Mom for more information, and for comprehensive resources, visit Hopkins Medicine’s Fertility Center.