The 1980s were a vibrant era of extravagance, where iconic rock bands from the ’70s transitioned into flamboyant hair bands that dazzled with glitter and outrageous fashion. Bands like Kiss, Bon Jovi, and Mötley Crüe defined a generation with their unforgettable hits, and while those days may be long gone, the spirit of rock ‘n’ roll lives on in moms everywhere. Picture me rolling up to my kid’s school, windows down, blasting “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” and noticing other moms nodding along, some with their wild, untamed hair tied up in neat ponytails, while others tap their bright sneakers to the rhythm. It’s clear: we moms have a special bond in our love for retro rock. Here are six reasons why we’d make stellar members of an ’80s hair band:
- Our Wild Hair: I wash my hair once a week—maybe twice if I’m feeling adventurous. The front often resembles a giraffe’s tongue, while the back rebelliously defies gravity. With just a few minutes in the bathroom, a pair of scissors for some messy bangs, and a can of hairspray, I could easily channel my inner rock star.
- Our Bold Makeup: Recently, my kids decided to go all-out with makeup, leaving me with a striking look that could rival Joan Jett. Between the thick black eyeliner, vibrant teal eyeshadow, and clumpy mascara, I’m rocking a style that’s a blend of Alice Cooper and Gene Simmons (minus the tongue, of course).
- Our Rockin’ Wardrobe: I never understood where bands like Cinderella found their outrageous outfits until I strolled through the mom-section at Target. My oversized T-shirts paired with zebra-striped leggings and handcrafted accessories would have made even the trendiest mall queens envious.
- Our Attitude: To pull off leather pants, heavy eyeliner, and a wild hairstyle, one must exude a confidence that borders on defiance. The rock stars of the ’80s often posed with smoldering gazes, and let me tell you, nothing strikes fear like a mom’s fierce glare when she discovers her kids have turned her designer bag into a makeshift toy.
- Our Rowdy Entourage: Iconic rockers like Ozzy Osbourne were known for their outrageous antics, and while our party favors may be more about sugar than substances, my kids create chaos that rivals any rock star’s escapades. From closet mishaps to art projects gone rogue, my household is a whirlwind of activity that would put Iggy Pop to shame.
- Our “Free Love” Approach: The rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle often included open doors and constant company. Much like a rock star’s life, my nights are frequently interrupted by the urgent needs of my little ones. It’s a juggling act that keeps me on my toes, and in my finest moments, I can cater to both demands at once.
While my current attire may not be winning fashion awards, the ’80s would have been the perfect time for a middle-aged mom like me. With big hair, bold attitudes, and a killer soundtrack, we would have fit right in with the era’s rock legends. So, as I jam out to Journey from my minivan, I eagerly wait for the day when big hair and rock bands make their glorious comeback.
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In summary, moms embody the spirit of ’80s rockers through our untamed hair, bold makeup, eclectic fashion sense, fierce attitudes, energetic entourages, and unapologetic lifestyles. With the right soundtrack, we’d definitely fit into the rock scene perfectly.