Updated: July 27, 2023
Originally Published: Dec. 17, 2005
Recently, I discovered something intriguing about myself: I might not be very good at giving compliments. Let me explain how I came to this realization. My partner and I enjoyed a delightful getaway to New Orleans, a city I had long wanted to visit. Known for its vibrant music scene and delectable cuisine, our focus during this trip was the food—particularly our first dinner at the renowned restaurant Commander’s Palace.
This establishment was spectacular. While it certainly comes with a price tag, the exceptional food and service made it worth every penny. Our table was attended by three servers—a woman and two men—who were all remarkably attentive, friendly, and knowledgeable.
When our waitress suggested I try the turtle soup, I took her advice. I anticipated a creamy chowder but was blown away by a rich, reddish-burgundy broth that had a perfect texture and an extraordinary flavor, with just a hint of sherry. Following that, I savored a pan-seared redfish served in an iron skillet that was absolutely delicious. Everything was just perfect.
Then, our waitress checked in with us. “How are you enjoying everything so far?” she asked.
“Just fine,” I replied.
This innocent response led to a surprising reaction. The waitress looked concerned, and suddenly, the entire team was engaged. Apparently, “just fine” didn’t cut it at Commander’s Palace; they aimed for “the most incredible meal I’ve ever had.” I had always thought “fine” was a positive term, but my answer clearly conveyed a lack of enthusiasm. Maybe you empathize with the waitress and agree that “just fine” sounds rather unimpressive. Over the years, I’ve learned that in relationships, especially, “just fine” can mean something quite different than it sounds.
Fortunately, my partner jumped in, reminding me that just moments before, I had called the meal “freaking amazing!” She pointed out that I often downplay my compliments, which sometimes leads to misunderstandings. For instance, when a friend accomplishes something significant, I might say, “That’s pretty good!” or when someone tells a great joke, I might respond, “That’s actually kind of funny.”
This little mishap became a running joke throughout our trip. Every time we dined, I made a conscious effort to start my feedback with “just fine,” only to follow it up with enthusiastic praise. “How was your gumbo?” I’d ask, only to respond, “Just fine…but honestly, it was the best gumbo I’ve ever tasted!”
Sometimes, this backfired, as one server thought I was being sarcastic. I wondered where this tendency to understate my feelings came from. Perhaps it’s a cultural trait, a bit of an Irish or Irish-Catholic mindset that expects something great to be followed by something bad. It made me reflect on all the times I’ve used phrases like “not bad” or “pretty good” when I actually intended to convey something much more positive.
I owe some apologies and clarifications:
- To Max Stevens, CEO of the Café and its parent company, I truly love my job here. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise when I said it was “definitely among the seven or eight best jobs I’ve had in the last 15 years.”
- To Rachel Dawson, my fellow editor: Your article about being confused with a street performer was not just “kind of funny”; it was so hilarious, I nearly choked on my drink reading it.
- To those who teased me mercilessly in school: I will not only seek you out but will also disregard the laws of physics in doing so.
- To the Chrysler Group LLC: My Jeep, which I’ve driven since 2011, is not merely “pretty good.” It is, in fact, “excellent,” even with its quirks.
- To the writer we recently spoke with: I apologize for referring to your work as “actually quite good.” Your pieces were genuinely outstanding.
- And to the weather in New Orleans, which I casually described as “nice” while chatting with a couple from Denver: Your perfect 65-degree sunny days and cool evenings were precisely the escape we needed from the harsh early winter back home.
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In summary, I realized that I have a habit of understating my compliments. This experience in New Orleans was a wake-up call for me to express my appreciation more clearly. If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember: sometimes, it’s better to say what you truly mean!