The holiday season can be quite overwhelming, filled with social obligations and the pressure of reconnecting with relatives you might only see once a year. While the thought of skipping out on these gatherings may seem appealing—especially if you dread encountering that one relative who has a knack for making you feel inadequate—consider the implications of spending Christmas by yourself. You might believe that solitude will bring you peace, but the reality can be far from comforting.
I once thought I was immune to the deep sadness that often accompanies spending Christmas alone. As someone who identifies as Jewish and enjoys my own company, I often feel relief when plans get canceled. However, the holiday season carries a societal weight of togetherness—think of the carolers, the mistletoe, and the bustling dining tables filled with family. During this time, being alone can feel like a significant breach of an unspoken social contract that insists we gather with loved ones.
The Best Laid Plans
Due to the schedules of my siblings’ partners, my family typically celebrates Christmas a few weeks before the actual date. That year, we had already held our holiday gathering at my parents’ house in early December. When Christmas Day arrived, I was ready to indulge in some well-deserved solitude. I turned down invitations from friends to join them for festive dinners and opted to savor my time off instead. My plan was simple: sleep in, read books, snack on Mallomars for dinner, and rewatch The West Wing. It was supposed to be a luxurious staycation.
On Christmas morning, as families gathered around their trees, I went for a jog in the chilly, empty park. It was eerily quiet, with just a homeless man feeding stray cats. I told myself how fortunate I was to have this entire morning to myself while everyone else was indoors.
The Loneliness Sets In
However, that feeling of luck quickly faded. I began feeling like an outsider, anxious about what to do with the rest of my day. With stores closed and the streets deserted, I knew my phone would remain silent, and my inbox would be empty as everyone was occupied with their Christmas celebrations.
After a long, leisurely shower, I faced the dilemma of getting dressed despite knowing I wouldn’t be leaving the house, or slipping into pajamas—an act that felt deeply depressing. I settled for cozy clothes that were really just pajamas without holes. I turned on the radio, only to find a never-ending broadcast of Handel’s Messiah, the assumed go-to for Christmas listening.
By 2 p.m., the sun was setting, and the atmosphere in my apartment felt cold and desolate. I had only managed to eat cottage cheese and water for lunch, the only items left in my fridge. I tried to read, but the silence was heavy, a reminder of the loneliness I was experiencing. It felt like the days I spent home sick as a child, when the television would blare news reports while dust motes danced in the light filtering through the curtains.
It Was All a Terrible Idea
By 9 p.m., I reached out to my friend Leo, who promptly told me to get dressed—we were going out. Over a comforting meal of Chinese food, I recounted my day, detailing the acute loneliness and the eerie quiet of the city.
“You can’t opt out of the holidays,” Leo insisted.
“But shouldn’t I be able to enjoy a day alone without feeling like I’m destined to be alone forever?” I countered.
“In theory, yes. But in practice…” he replied, leaving me with the understanding that choosing to spend the holidays alone often isn’t the best choice. While some people might thrive in solitude on Christmas, for those of us who associate the day with togetherness, attempting to spend it alone can feel like a poor decision.
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In summary, while the idea of spending Christmas alone might seem appealing, it can lead to unexpected feelings of loneliness and isolation. Therefore, it’s essential to consider the emotional weight of the holiday and the potential benefits of connecting with others, even if it’s not your first instinct.