Recently, I engaged in a conversation with a group of friends who are preparing to send their seniors off to college this fall. We touched on topics like empty nest syndrome, the stress of choosing a major, and the daunting financial responsibilities that come with it. As I’m still a few years away from sending my own child to college, these discussions have been quite enlightening.
One of my friends shared that her child was heading to college as an undecided major, which honestly left me a bit shocked. Reflecting on my own experiences at 18, I can’t fathom telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do… I’ll figure it out while living away in my cozy dorm.” While I had a clear goal of becoming a nurse, the decision wasn’t just about me—I was aware that my parents had two more children to support through college. I worked diligently to complete my degree on time, understanding the financial strain involved.
As I brace myself for the emotional day of dropping my son off at his dorm, I’ve also come to terms with the significant investment it’ll take to secure his degree. With our daughter trailing a few years behind, it feels like we could choose between buying a Tesla every year for eight years or funding two college educations. Although I’d love those Teslas, my role as a responsible parent means prioritizing my kids’ education.
My partner and I began setting up college savings accounts practically from the moment our kids were born. We decided early on that we would cover their higher education expenses. Our families supported us through college, and we’ve committed to doing the same for our children. Alongside consistent saving, we’ve also invested any monetary gifts they’ve received since birth, allowing their college funds to grow substantially.
However, while we’re willing to bear the financial burden of their education, there’s a firm condition: they need to have a clear idea of their career aspirations before I release the funds. I refuse to pay for my child to simply drift through college, attending parties and ski trips while trying to figure things out. My husband and I have worked hard over the past 13 years to save, and I won’t let a confused teenager waste that opportunity.
When I express these feelings to my friends, they chuckle and say I sound like the overly invested father from the film Some Kind of Wonderful. In that movie, the dad meticulously plans his son’s business college pathway, much to the chagrin of his artistic son. The dad is portrayed as pushing a degree onto his child, while the son ultimately spends his college fund on diamond earrings and a date. The father is left wondering where he went wrong.
But I’m not that father. I’m not going to impose a specific career on my kids, nor will I live vicariously through their choices. I’m simply saying that while I have the means to support their education, I won’t allow them to squander that opportunity. I’m more than willing to help them navigate their path, but they need to have a solid plan.
Today, many kids are given the freedom to “find themselves,” which can sometimes mean a lack of accountability. Parents have become more lenient, resulting in a generation that may feel entitled. My kids are not entitled to my financial support any more than I am entitled to dictate their career paths. It’s essential for us to collaborate in ensuring they receive a meaningful education that prepares them for real-world challenges.
As college approaches, we will have ongoing conversations about their aspirations, their ideal locations for living, and what brings them joy. We’ll visit college campuses and I’ll share stories from my own college days—hopefully without too many tears when it’s time to unpack in that tiny, pricey dorm.
In the end, I may shed a few tears, but it will be from missing my son—not because I wish I could have spent that money on a Tesla.
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Summary
This article discusses the importance of having a clear career plan before funding a child’s college education. The author reflects on their own experiences and emphasizes the need for responsibility and accountability in the educational journey, ensuring that financial support is used wisely.