When I found out I was expecting, I assumed my growing belly would lead to a dwindling sex drive. Boy, was I wrong! Thanks to those wild hormones, my husband and I were quite active up until about 36 weeks. Suddenly, as everyone started suggesting that intimacy might help induce labor, things took a turn for the worse. I could no longer see below my belly, and every attempt at a creative position ended in discomfort. All I wanted during those last few weeks was some precious sleep without the constant interruptions from my aching hips or the need to visit the bathroom.
I figured that once the baby arrived and I embarked on the long road of recovery, sex would slide down my to-do list. However, I was caught off guard by how suddenly my libido returned after childbirth. Despite being utterly exhausted and sporting a maxi-pad that felt like a sofa cushion, my husband and I couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves. Even in the wee hours after feedings, we found ourselves sneaking kisses and feeling like teenagers again (even though we never actually had those moments back in high school).
With my newfound eagerness, we eagerly awaited my 6-week postpartum checkup. I was determined to wait for the doctor’s green light before jumping back into intimacy, feeling like a kid counting down to Christmas. When the day finally came, I was relieved to hear that everything was healing well. The doctor then casually mentioned, “Sex after baby? Don’t expect it to be great.”
What? I was bursting with desire! She continued, “It might feel like your first time again, and it could even hurt.” I brushed off her warnings, thinking, “Surely, she doesn’t understand how ready I am.”
When we finally attempted intimacy, it was painful—like, really painful. I was shocked at how much it hurt. We tried again a few nights later, experimenting with different positions, but relief was hard to come by. I felt like I was moving in slow motion, and what used to be fun now felt like hard work—painful hard work.
I was left utterly confused. Having had a C-section, I didn’t expect things to feel tighter; in fact, I thought they might feel a bit looser. Instead, I felt like I was having sex with a telephone pole. Friends suggested trying lubricant, different positions, or even a glass of wine to help ease the experience. But nothing seemed to work.
And let’s talk about the awkwardness of getting intimate with a baby sleeping just a room away. You know how some say that sneaking around in public is thrilling? Yeah, try holding back the sounds of pain while worrying about waking the little one!
Finally, just when I was about to give up, we tried again. To my surprise, it didn’t hurt this time. Overwhelmed with relief, I found myself crying in the middle of it! My husband, thinking something was wrong, paused and looked concerned. After reassuring him that everything was just fine, we resumed, and this time everything clicked. The following attempts were even better, and with each experience, it gradually improved.
While the journey may have its ups and downs, it’s important to remember that things can and do get better. Just be sure to keep the volume down so the baby stays asleep!
If you want to read more about similar experiences, check out this post. Also, for authoritative advice on fertility and conception, visit Make a Mom. For information about assisted reproductive technology, the CDC offers excellent resources.
Summary:
Navigating intimacy after childbirth can be challenging, with many new parents experiencing discomfort and confusion about their sexual desires and abilities. Through patience, communication, and a willingness to adapt, couples can rediscover their intimacy and enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship once again.