A few weeks ago, I received a message from a woman I only know online. The subject line read, “I think I’m a terrible mom.” Feeling concerned, I opened it immediately.
The email expressed sentiments like: “I adore my children, but there are times when I just don’t like them. I’m feeling miserable. My partner and I hardly connect anymore. I strive to teach my kids right from wrong, and while they behave decently in public, at home they run wild. They lack manners and often say hurtful things like, ‘You’re the worst mom ever.’ I’ve experimented with every kind of reinforcement, and nothing seems to work. I feel like a failure and worry that my children deserve a better mother and my partner deserves a better wife. I’m terrified that I’ve ruined my kids for life.”
Oh, is that all? If those thoughts make you an unfit mom, then we’re all in the same boat!
I can assure you I’m not the only mother who has exclaimed, “You would never speak to your teacher that way! I am your mom! I care for you! You can’t talk to me like that! You know better!” When I was a teacher, I met countless parents who, after hearing how wonderful their child was at school, would respond with, “Well, you should see him at home!” or “Are we discussing the same child?”
We all share the same goal: we want our kids to be kind, responsible, compassionate individuals. We aspire for them to grow into respectful members of society. When they embody those qualities, parenting feels more enjoyable, and we feel accomplished in our role.
Creating a child is the most significant endeavor you’ll ever undertake, especially as a mother, since you carried that little one within you. From the moment they arrive, they are perfect—innocent and flawless. But soon, reality sets in. The real challenge begins not with the pregnancy but with raising that child. Now that they are here, you have the vital task of guiding them. And let’s be honest, programming them can be exhausting and frustrating. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, things just don’t click, and the longer it takes to correct a course, the more challenging it may become.
I share countless happy moments on social media, showcasing my kids doing all the right things—cooking, reading, cooperating. Why? Because those successes reflect our efforts, and it feels good to celebrate them. It’s no different from a child proudly presenting their drawing, excited to share their creation with you.
However, the reality is that those joyful moments are just a fraction of our lives. For many of us, a good percentage of the time is not picture-perfect; it can be downright chaotic. There are days when your kids may push every button you have for what feels like the hundredth time.
That’s when things can get exhausting. You know there are better choices—it’s not great to let the kids binge-watch TV for hours on a weekday or to serve them snacks for dinner. You might even skip brushing their teeth or giving them a bath because you’re just too drained. Rest assured, you’re not alone in this struggle.
We recently went on a vacation and found ourselves in a second-floor condo. One chaotic day, as we were trying to head to the beach, every child had a meltdown. One was crying because of sunscreen in her eyes, another couldn’t find his basketball, one didn’t want to go at all, and yet another was bickering with a sibling. It was utter chaos—screaming, fighting, crying. I’m sure neighbors were contemplating calling the authorities! It was not a moment for the ‘gram, but it was our reality.
My kids are aware of right and wrong. They understand that hitting is unacceptable and that they have responsibilities. Sometimes they meet those expectations, and I feel like I’m nailing this parenting thing. Yet there are moments, like on that vacation, when I question my abilities and feel unfit. And trust me, those moments happen more often than I’d like to admit.
Kids are naturally inclined to push boundaries and test limits. During those times, you just have to hang on and weather the storm. Take a moment to reassess and devise a new approach. There will come a time when things calm down, and you find the energy and patience to tackle challenges anew. Whether that’s in a day, a week, or even longer, just remember that your kids are not doomed, and you are certainly not an unfit mother.
Perfection isn’t the goal. It’s not about crafting perfect moments for social media or endless Pinterest projects. Sometimes, the main objective is simply to keep everyone safe and alive. And that’s not unfit; that’s just truly normal.
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Summary:
This article reassures mothers that feeling overwhelmed or questioning their parenting skills is normal. It emphasizes that perfection is not the goal and that every mother has chaotic moments. Instead of focusing on idealized portrayals of parenting, the narrative encourages celebrating small victories and reminds moms that they are not alone in their struggles.