In the early days of our marriage, my partner Alex and I made the decision that one of us would stay home to care for our children while they were young. For various reasons, I took on the primary parenting role, juggling everything from playdates and school events to laundry and grocery shopping. Meanwhile, Alex became the primary breadwinner, ensuring that I could focus on our family without the stress of financial worries. Our choice to adopt this traditional family structure is deeply personal, and I recognize how fortunate we are to have had this option.
While our approach has its benefits and drawbacks, it has worked for us. That said, it hasn’t always been easy. I spent years knee-deep in baby messes, struggles, and chaos. There were days when I doubted I could even find a moment alone in the bathroom or sit down for lunch. My once-promising career stagnated, and my hard-earned degree lay forgotten on the shelf.
On the flip side, Alex faced the pressure of maintaining our family’s financial stability. As he worked diligently to climb the ranks of his law firm during the tumultuous Great Recession, sleepless nights became the norm as he worried about providing for us.
The concept of balance—whatever that may be—felt utterly unachievable.
However, as our children have grown and entered school, we’ve begun to see glimpses of balance re-entering our lives. I now have a part-time job working from home and occasionally meet up with friends, though I still handle the bulk of household responsibilities. Alex continues to put in long hours, but he now has more control over his schedule, allowing him to engage in activities with our kids. He organizes “Dad’s Day” outings and can occasionally take time off to attend school events or catch a baseball game with the boys. My part-time job has helped ease some of the financial pressure he carried for years.
Yet, despite these positive changes, our lives still feel out of sync. Many days lean heavily in one direction or another, and the imbalance is something we feel keenly.
This feeling of imbalance is often worsened by the unrealistic expectation that life should be perfectly balanced—that we are somehow failing if we can’t achieve it. Whether you follow a similar path to ours, share responsibilities equally, or are the sole provider (bless your heart!), I believe we all experience moments of imbalance. Life is hectic, and it’s tough not to feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all. As a friend put it recently, “My life feels like an endless series of lists with items left unchecked.”
Sometimes it all feels chaotic and unmanageable. We tell ourselves we need more balance—work-life balance.
But here’s the truth: balance is an illusion. It’s an aspiration that can drive us to the brink of madness. Sure, it would be wonderful if we could find that perfect equilibrium, skillfully juggling every responsibility while checking off our to-do lists. Yet, more often than not, that ideal is out of reach. Balance represents perfection, and perfection is a myth.
I can’t help but wonder if our relentless quest for balance is just another way of telling ourselves we should be able to have it all. In our pursuit of the elusive balance, we often forget that life is inherently seasonal. It unfolds with its own rhythm—sometimes taking leaps forward, sometimes moving backward. We might be advancing in our careers just as we’re navigating the challenges of family life. Friendships that once felt easy may become more complex yet more crucial than ever. There are decades spent growing up and apart, years dedicated to building careers and nurturing families, and long stretches of letting go.
Life has its seasons—those of growth, harvest, and rest, each with their own unique joys and challenges. There are times when we experience a semblance of balance, whatever that means to us. There are days or even months when work and personal life harmonize, friendships flourish, and we seem to have everything just right.
But these moments are fleeting, not the standard. There are days filled with tantrums, endless meetings, and overwhelming chaos, alongside those magical days that slip by in a blissful haze of laughter and connection. And yes, occasionally we may achieve that elusive balance, if only for a little while.
Ultimately, balance can only be found when we take a long-term view; it cannot be enforced or micromanaged. Yet, everywhere we turn, we are bombarded with messages telling us we must achieve this or that. We strive to be perfect parents, career-driven individuals, attentive friends, and devoted partners—all at once.
With this pressure to find balance comes an added layer of self-criticism. The burden of trying to manage an imbalanced life only compounds our feelings of inadequacy. Life can be unpredictable, chaotic, and overwhelming, particularly with young children in the mix. But it is also beautifully rich and full of unexpected joy. Sometimes, we must ride the waves, embracing the ebb and flow of existence, knowing that balance may be hidden beneath the surface, like a tiny cracked shell on the beach.
And if all else fails, just remember: balance is a myth.
For more insights into navigating life’s complexities, check out this article and this resource on fertility journeys. For helpful information on pregnancy week by week, visit March of Dimes.
Summary:
The pursuit of balance in life often feels like an unattainable goal, leaving many of us overwhelmed and questioning our abilities. As we navigate the demands of parenting and careers, we may find moments of harmony, but these are fleeting. Instead of striving for constant equilibrium, we should embrace the seasonal nature of life, recognizing that chaos and beauty often coexist. Ultimately, balance is an ideal rather than a reality we should chase.