No parent wants to hear those dreaded words from a teacher: “Can we talk for a moment… in private?” As I follow the preschool teacher out of the playroom, I can’t help but feel anxious, wedged between a gardening cart and a squeaky tricycle while other parents and their little ones stroll by, chatting cheerfully.
“There was a biting incident today,” the teacher informs me, her sympathetic expression instantly revealing that my child is the one in trouble. I stand there, feeling like a deer caught in headlights, unsure of what to say. My youngest child, who I thought was sweet and loving, has suddenly transformed into a “biter,” and I am left grappling with the shame of it all.
How did this happen? What did I do wrong? It’s moments like these that can make even the most confident parent feel like a failure. The preschool years present their own unique challenges, and biting ranks right up there with the most shocking behaviors.
Despite my daughter’s many good qualities—her politeness, her ability to share, and her love for broccoli—she is now branded as The Biter, and I, as her mother, must bear that label too. When our children misbehave, it often feels like a reflection of our parenting skills. One misstep, like biting or a forgotten “thank you,” can lead us down a spiral of self-doubt and guilt.
As an experienced mom, I know that such behaviors are often signs that kids are struggling to manage their feelings or test boundaries. Toddlers are still learning to navigate a world full of emotions and social interactions, often leading them to express frustration physically. Biting, though concerning, is a common behavior among children under three, according to the American Psychological Association.
While this fact offers some comfort, it doesn’t erase the shame I feel, nor does it alleviate the discomfort of the other child’s mother. Social expectations place a heavy burden on us as parents, and biting can feel like a breach of those standards. We want our children to behave like civilized beings, not like wild animals.
After what feels like an eternity, I manage to apologize to the teacher, eager to prove that I am a devoted and caring parent. I ask her how the incident occurred, hoping for some context to defend my daughter. The teacher explains that while lining up, my daughter was accidentally pushed, causing her to react with her teeth instead of words. Although there is a reason behind her action, it doesn’t excuse it or lessen my embarrassment.
When I return to the classroom, my daughter is happily building a tower of blocks, beaming as she claps for herself. “Mama!” she exclaims, burying her face in my leg. “I was sad today.” I stroke her head, reassuring her that I understand. My guilt about her actions is heavy, but I remind myself that she is still learning and growing. My role is to guide her with kindness, helping her make better choices moving forward.
As for reaching out to the other child’s mom, I hope she can forgive us. A little understanding from another parent can help us all be a bit kinder to ourselves.
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