Every morning I wake up in disbelief, wondering how I ended up as the mother of a high school senior. It feels like there must be some mistake. For quite some time, I’ve found myself wishing that her real mother would swoop in and take over.
Having lived through the tumultuous dynamics of a mother-daughter relationship myself, I can relate to the chaos. I put my own mother through an emotional rollercoaster during my teenage years. I was convinced she was the source of all my woes and loathed her for it. I was such a difficult teenager that my mother, in a moment of frustration, declared that I would one day have a daughter just like me. Those words echo in my mind, sounding like the curse of some mythical witch. And here I am, forever tethered to a teenage daughter who mirrors my past behaviors. Please, someone send help.
At 35, I can’t help but think that if teenage years came with a manual, perhaps I wouldn’t be navigating this journey with an almost 18-year-old. I vividly recall the overwhelming noise within and around me during my adolescence, compounded by relentless pressures to be perfect and popular. I can still picture myself in those ridiculous, bright red glasses in eighth grade, crushed when a classmate, Lisa, called me out for pretending to be blind. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. I thought those glasses would help me connect with Lisa, as she wore similar ones. Obviously, I was mistaken. The memories of my attempts to fit in, like super-gluing earrings to my teeth to mimic braces, still haunt me today and keep me in therapy.
Being a teenager is tough. PERIOD.
My daughter takes forever to decide what to wear each morning, and while I want to tell her it won’t matter in a few years, I know it feels monumental to her right now. If only she could see that the judgment from others stems from their own insecurities. Understanding this would have made my high school experience much more bearable.
How is it fair that during such a challenging time in our lives, our brains are still developing? Whoever made those decisions should be held accountable. We need to prioritize finding a solution for the struggles of adolescence. Imagine if we could enhance brain development instead of focusing solely on weight loss and other superficial concerns. I’d prefer the gift of logic over a temporary thrill any day.
Truth be told, I worry for my beautiful daughter. She seems to have everything I did at her age, but I suspect she’s wiser. We have deep conversations (when she’s not in a mood) about the poor choices she observes in her peers and how disheartening it can be. I’ve been fortunate to raise a daughter who is a blend of my past self and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. It’s fascinating to realize that I was already a mother at her age, feeling a sense of adulthood beyond my years. If it’s true that many teen mothers raise daughters who follow the same path, I’m proud to break that cycle.
I know I’m a good mother, which is likely why she struggles with her feelings towards me. However, these years are anything but easy. Yet, I hold onto the belief that “this too shall pass”… eventually. I’m just holding my breath in the meantime.
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In summary, navigating the teenage years with my daughter has been both a challenge and a revelation. It’s a journey filled with growth, understanding, and a bit of humor as we tackle the ups and downs together.