Anyone who’s been a parent knows there’s no true way to ready yourself for the journey of motherhood. You can dive into countless parenting books, scour every forum online, and stockpile pamphlets from the pediatrician’s office. But let’s be real: those resources won’t prepare you for the moment your child unexpectedly decorates your shirt with vomit, while a delightful “poop soup” situation unfolds from their diaper.
Even the Boy Scouts’ motto of “always be prepared” falls flat when faced with the chaotic reality of parenting.
While my transparency might seem overwhelming, I’ve noticed that some of my less-than-stellar habits from before becoming a parent actually made the transition a bit smoother. You’re unlikely to find these insights in any parenting manual, so let me share how my personal shortcomings equipped me for motherhood.
1. My Cleaning Skills Are Lacking
While I wouldn’t say I live in a pigsty, housekeeping isn’t my strong suit. Do I really need to vacuum every week? And let’s not even mention my laundry strategy of tossing clean clothes onto the couch instead of putting them away. This lack of cleaning finesse prepared me for the constant messes that come with children. After all, I’m just stepping over toys instead of laundry now!
2. I’m Not a Good Sleeper
Ever since the late ’90s, my sleep has been sporadic at best. Anxiety, work stress, and the constant buzz of life kept me up long before I had kids. So when sleepless nights came with motherhood, I was already accustomed to the struggle. Sleep deprivation? Bring it on!
3. Clothes Shopping Has Never Been My Thing
The thought of rummaging through stores, trying on outfits, and inevitably disliking everything is enough to make me want to stay home. Before kids, I settled for a casual jeans-and-t-shirt style, and now I’ve simply swapped my jeans for comfy yoga pants (which I can conveniently order online). Who needs fashion when you have comfort?
4. Toilets Are My Personal Nightmare
Cleaning toilets feels like a fate worse than death. They’re inherently gross, and I’d prefer to avoid them altogether. Until my kids are fully potty trained, I can manage a semblance of cleanliness without two additional little mess-makers complicating things. Diapers? I can handle that for a bit longer.
5. Exercise Sounds Exhausting
Even the thought of hitting the gym or following a workout video makes me want to take a nap. Thankfully, having kids gives me the perfect excuse to forgo exercise and avoid the guilt that usually comes with it. I can enjoy the benefits of physical activity without breaking a sweat.
6. Makeup Application Is Not My Strength
With kids in the picture, I can skip the makeup routine altogether! Those dark circles and bare lips? Just the typical mom look now. People understand; it’s part of the job description.
While I might not have all the answers—for example, I’m still clueless on how to handle the day my son decides to use my tampons as lightsabers during a visit from the neighbors—my past flaws have made the journey of motherhood a bit more manageable. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to tackle the ever-growing clean laundry mountain before attempting to catch some sleep.
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