In today’s fast-paced world, many parents are exploring the idea of outsourcing some of the trickier aspects of raising children. From potty training to resolving thumb-sucking, there are experts available for nearly every challenge. It got me thinking about which parenting duties I would gladly pass off if given the chance. Here’s my top list:
- Learning to Tie Shoes: Don’t be misled by the cute “bunny ears” method. This skill is far more complicated than it seems. Just when you believe your child has mastered it, they end up with a tangled mess. I even bought a practice board with a shoe and real laces—what was I thinking? Unless it comes with a life-size cardboard cutout of a cheerful parent, it’s useless. And good luck convincing your kids that velcro sneakers are cool; by middle school, they’ll see right through you!
- Teaching Bike Riding: It turns out, you need to be in tip-top shape to teach a 5-year-old how to ride a bike. Despite my background as a runner, nothing prepared me for the exhausting task of supporting a 40-pound child on a 25-pound bike while jogging awkwardly beside them. When someone boasts about completing a triathlon, I proudly share that I taught my kids to ride bikes—instant conversation ender!
- Sex Education: Often outsourced to the local group of neighborhood kids, my own children have come home with “knowledge” from their peers. My fourth grader recently informed me about the facts from a few boys. While I was initially horrified, I realized I could cross that off my list. However, I quickly reviewed their information to ensure accuracy. Turns out, kids can be a bit off on some details—thanks for the help, Jimmy from next door!
- Telling Time: With digital clocks everywhere, does anyone even need to learn analog time anymore? Still, the old-fashioned way is a skill worth having. Our attempts at this often go like this: “So, is it 10:09?” “No, it’s actually 10:45.” “But I thought a quarter was 25?” “Well, in this case, it means 15 minutes!” And just like that, we dive into an argument about pie instead.
- Waiting in Line: Particularly at amusement parks, waiting to meet a character in costume can be grueling. I can’t be the only one who realizes that the person in the Jasmine outfit isn’t a celebrity! I’d much prefer to have someone else endure the wait while I enjoy a drink at Mickey’s La Cava del Tequila.
- Using a Steak Knife: Because clearly, knives are just for cutting steak, right? I often joke that it’s safer to teach kids to eat their steak by picking it up with a fork, Fred Flintstone style. Just kidding…mostly.
- Math Fact Review: I feel like we’ve been at this for 18 years, and we only have two kids! A typical session goes like this: “What’s 9 x 4?” “48?” “Nope, it’s 36. Keep trying!” And just when they start to get it, you realize they need to learn it backward. “What’s 4 x 9?” “48?” “Sure, why not? Let’s just call it a night.”
- Swimming Lessons: Teaching swimming sometimes feels like an episode of a chaotic dance show. “Bend your arms, keep your legs straight, kick, blow bubbles…” All while they’re submerged and can’t hear a word I’m saying. It’s a true test of patience!
And then, there’s the one duty I will definitely outsource when the time comes…
- Driving Lessons: While there are Driver’s Ed classes, I dread the “permit” stage when I have to review their skills. I’m not sure I want to be in the passenger seat when my teen is at the wheel of a 3,000-pound vehicle, especially when they’re still obsessed with Disney Channel. I’ll let my partner handle this one!
Ultimately, every milestone reached by our children is a victory worth celebrating. I’m grateful I didn’t actually outsource any responsibilities. However, I wish we could delegate the backaches, calloused hands, and headaches that come with the territory. Well, I’ll keep the wine habit—let’s not go overboard!
For more insights, check out this excellent resource on in vitro fertilization or explore this authority on home insemination.
Summary
Parenting comes with its fair share of challenges, from teaching shoe-tying to swimming lessons. While the notion of outsourcing certain tasks might be tempting, the accomplishments we share with our kids are invaluable. Each experience, even the tough ones, shapes their growth and our memories as parents.