When my daughter, Lila, turned two, she began to resemble a female version of her father, and it was evident just how stunning she had become. Her hair naturally cascades in a perfect, albeit slightly crooked, part. The roots are growing in her darker natural shade, while the ends boast those adorable baby curls. As her mother, I can’t help but want to squeeze her cheeks—an instinct that, interestingly, has scientific backing. But I resist the urge; after all, you can’t eat your children, right?
I believe many moms share this feeling towards their little ones, who are undeniably crafted to be irresistibly cute. Even during those challenging moments—like when they throw a tantrum over the wrong flavor of yogurt or engage in some other delightful mischief—we want to protect and cherish these precious beings. We don’t want to send them off to find another parent who knows exactly which flavor they prefer.
Given that all children are, in my eyes, the most beautiful beings, it raises the question of how to discuss that beauty. With my son, Ben, this was straightforward; I occasionally called him my handsome little man without much thought. However, with Lila, I find myself hesitating. I say, “You’re so beautiful!” but then feel compelled to add, “And smart! And funny! You have those qualities too!”
This uncertainty stems from our society’s tendency to objectify women from an early age. From bows to Bratz dolls, the fixation on beauty begins soon after birth. This objectification leads to a lifetime of women questioning their worth based on their looks. The more I reflect on beauty, the more I see it as an oversimplified and potentially harmful concept.
I want Lila to understand that there’s more to her than just her appearance. Beauty, while desirable, is static; it’s something you either possess or spend hours trying to achieve. In contrast, traits like humor, creativity, and intelligence are dynamic and can be nurtured over time. When we highlight these qualities in her, we can help them flourish. Complimenting her natural beauty merely reinforces something beyond her control, something that shouldn’t dominate her self-worth.
Additionally, I think about how fleeting beauty is. While Lila will always have her intelligence and humor, her youthful appearance will eventually fade. I see famous individuals resorting to extreme measures to maintain their looks, which raises the question: why do we go to such lengths to defy aging? Life is about growth and experience, and I believe that the most beautiful people I know are often the oldest, filled with wisdom and love. Wrinkles should be celebrated as beauty marks reflecting a life well-lived.
Moreover, the truly beautiful individuals I admire are kind. They are the friends who listen, who care, and who choose not to judge. Kindness is a quality that requires conscious effort and is something we can all strive to enhance. Unlike beauty, which is often unchangeable, kindness is limitless; anyone can embody it. Roald Dahl’s words resonate with me: “Kindness is my number one attribute in a human being.”
When I consider beauty, I also think of confidence. Growing up, my grandfather would often squeeze my arm and say, “Hey there, Beautiful!” His consistent affirmations instilled a sense of self-worth in me, which persisted even through my awkward middle school years.
So, for now, I’ve decided to let others compliment Lila’s beauty, as she already receives plenty of that from friends and family, including her own Poppy, who reminds her how beautiful she is every time they meet.
Instead, I focus on nurturing her character. I highlight her intelligence, creativity, and humor. I celebrate her kindness and encourage her to take pride in the qualities that truly matter. My hope is that one day, she will view beauty as I do—a fleeting aspect of life and not the essence of who she is.
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Summary
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This article discusses the author’s hesitation to label her daughter as beautiful, opting instead to emphasize qualities like intelligence, humor, and kindness. It reflects on the societal pressures surrounding beauty and the importance of nurturing character traits that contribute to a person’s depth and appeal.