Back in the ’70s, my mother conducted an interesting experiment with me and my brother. She handed me toy cars and him dolls to show that our preferences were shaped by society rather than biology. Unfortunately for her theory, I was drawn to the “girl” toys while my brother quickly reclaimed his “boy” toys, rolling his eyes in the process.
Sure, her experiment lacked scientific rigor—this was a time when she was exploring the wonders of carob chips (which still haunt my taste buds) and decorating our home with brass pyramids meant to align our energies (yes, really). Still, she was onto something important.
Fast forward to today, and despite all we know about gender and childhood, some things haven’t changed. My 5-year-old daughter has recently turned her back on toys she deems “for boys.” From her perspective, it’s clear why: “girl” items are often pink, frilly, and glittery, while “boy” toys are dark and industrial. Every day, she receives messages that pressure her to choose the “girl” category, and honestly, it frustrates me just as much as those carob chips did. Why are we still presenting such rigid choices? Must it always be princesses or trucks?
I’m determined not to let either of my children feel confined by gender stereotypes, and I feel especially passionate about this for my daughter. Here are five strategies to help our girls embrace a wider range of interests:
1. Watch Sports Together
It’s easy to assume that only boys enjoy sports, especially if mom isn’t a fan. Just last week, while cheering for the U.S. Women’s Soccer team, my daughter exclaimed, “Are they really all girls?” I encourage my partner to explain plays and decisions during games, the same way he would for our son. Sure, she may pick up a few colorful words, but that’s part of the fun!
2. Opt for Gender-Neutral Clothing
Steer clear of the typical pinks, ruffles, and swirls. Clothing brands like Primary offer stylish options in a variety of colors that don’t scream “gender norms.” Plus, everything is affordably priced under $25.
3. Introduce Coding
In a world where coding skills are invaluable, it’s essential for our girls to participate. Organizations like Girls Who Code and local coding camps offer great opportunities. Otherwise, we might end up with a future filled with only Barbie-themed apps!
4. Foster Cross-Gender Friendships
Encourage friendships that break gender barriers—no more all-girl birthday parties! My 9-year-old son has a best friend who’s a girl, and their connection has been strong since they were little. We actively create opportunities for them to hang out outside the gender boundaries of school.
5. Diverse Reading Material
Hand your daughters books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Big Nate, and Tintin, along with comic books and graphic novels. Just because a book has a pastel cover featuring cupcakes doesn’t mean it’s the only thing they can read. For older girls, remind them that understanding boys is easier through their stories.
This article was originally published on July 7, 2010.
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Summary
Parenting girls who aren’t interested in traditional “girl” toys can be challenging. By promoting sports, gender-neutral clothing, coding, diverse friendships, and varied reading materials, parents can help their daughters break free from societal expectations and embrace a wide range of interests.